The Bee Hive

Back For the First Time

2011-05-30T00:08:00.004-05:00

Been sooo long that I've been here, but it feels like home. My last post was over a year ago, and it was so intuitive. Almost three months after that post, my job wrongfully canned me. I didn't understand it at first, but that event was just one of the pieces of a much bigger plan for me. 2010 was a year of devastation: loss of a love, job, (yet another) car and a selfish custody battle. Yet here I am, over a year later, stronger, happier and more educated than ever. What looked like the biggest setback turned out to be the biggest blessing. I paid off all my debts with my retirement money. I've returned to school and will finish this December. As a result of a tumultuous custody battle my son's father is consistently involved for the first time ever. I stress less, and seem to have more happiness in life. 2011 has brought me love, a love that I will never forget. (But that's a whole 'nother post). Life is and has been good and I am always grateful. But like anybody else, I still go through things, still struggle and still feel pain. I have learned (and am still learning) to assert myself more, to not be a doormat and to follow MY own path to happiness. I'm happy at far I've come and can't wait to see how far I will go.

Full Circle

2010-02-26T10:49:00.004-06:00

Sooo...It's been a long minute since I've posted on my blog. Alas, I have not abandoned it but simply took a hiatus. My life has gone through so many changes since I've posted last. It was encouraging to see so many of my fellow bloggers still posting on the regular. It was like coming home after being away for a long while. Lately, my job has been causing me strife. New bosses, new co-workers, double standard = a big ass mess. I know nothing stays the same forever, but our department has changed so much that I don't even recognize it anymore. Sometimes changes are hard for me to deal with, it ain't easy. For the first time in my almost 5 years of service, I have feared for my job. I never thought about joining the union until recently. Because I have joined the union, things have been better, but still shaky. I have distrust for the powers that be. I just do the best that I can, and leave the rest up to God.

HBTV (Honey b TV)

2009-10-19T10:10:00.008-05:00

Since I moved to my house 2 years ago, I've been working on transforming my house into a home: Coming up with a color scheme, painting the walls, and getting the perfect furniture. Now almost complete, this what the TV area currently looks like:

In comparison the the ginormous book shelves, the television looks extremely small.

This is what the rest of the area looks like:

Yes, that is my (not so) little one on the couch.

Here is a lil wish list of what I need in order to complete my living room:

Curtains from World Market: You can't see them in the pictures, but the living room has 2 big picture windows. Currently covered with sheer golden panels, I think these window treatments with make my room pop with the wine color.This ottoman is going to be the perfect accessory. I decided to order this instead of a traditional coffee table from Target. It offers lots of storage space, extra seating and matches the other dark brown elements in the space so I knew I couldn't go wrong.

I did not forget about a TV! I am looking for a 42 inch flat screen. I have seen several for great prices and I hope to get one soon.

I am also going to reupholster those couches! They are over 30 years old, but are very comfortable and sturdy. I am going to choose a neutral browm/tannish color for the couches.

Wish me Luck!!!!

lilHoneyb

Golden Girls

2009-10-09T14:28:00.006-05:00

I have been noticing a lot of sisters in the lime light have been sporting short hairstyles tinged with blonde. I think some look great while some, on the other hand not so much. Here are just a few of the celebs that I've seen sportin sunkissed tresses:

Ms. Keri is always switching it up, but she seems to be a fan of the blonde.

Kandi is making moves as she prepares for her new solo record to drop.

Not one to shy away from change, RiRi added some blonde pieces to her already short cut.

Eve has always kept it blonde.

Chrisette Michelle added some highlights to her 'do.

Perfect 10

2009-10-08T15:10:00.001-05:00

Showin off my French Pedicure. That is all.

Where is The Love?

2009-10-08T14:19:00.005-05:00

As I look at the blogosphere, I see nothing but tombstones. I remember at one point in time, I couldn't wait to log in a read what everybody was talking about and write about my life. Little by little, I started to see some of my favs fall outta sight. I blame a little culprit called Twitter.
But really I blame myself. When I started writing this blog, I wanted a way to safely express myself. Never did I imagine that I would get to connect and read about others' lives as well. Never did I think that I'd make friends on this thing. I was so happy to receive the love. But then one day something happened: I posted and I got no feedback. No love. Where did all the love go?

I was skeptical of Twitter but joined anyway. A lot of my blog peeps are on there. Wow! It was like I finally joined a club where all of my friends are at. Immediate feedback = instant gratification, and hence I abandoned my blog. I should have never abandoned my first love, feedback or no feedback, love or no love. I should just write to because that's what I do.

lilHoneyb

Left Behind

2009-09-08T14:50:00.006-05:00

Been taking a break from Blogger. Why? As of late, I have been feeling so unmotivated to blog. Now that I think about it, I have been not feeling much motivation to do anything. As grateful as I am for my job, I have been just going through the motions for a while now. Everything is "ho-hum" and can be quite mundane. I've become withdrawn, irritated and overall discontent with life. Small things seem like big things to me. My mother has announced that she is moving to another city. This info doesn't come as a surprise because she has been planning this for quite a while. She got a new job, and is getting ready to retire from her current one. Anyone who knows me knows that my mama is my rock and my pillar. We have never lived in separate cities. I am going to miss her tremendously. I also feel that me and some of my girlfriends are growing apart. I only have a few close friends, so the separation really hurts. I'm also upset that my bf's mother is trying to persuade him to move about 3 1/2 hours away after his contract is up. His mom is cool and all, but I don't trust her. Read about why not here. I feel that she has ulterior motives. But I'm not going to let any of the negative energy, uncertainty and hurt feelings force me to recoil into a shell of the woman that I once was. I am built to last and tough. Today is the day that I stop feeling down. I am going to take charge starting TODAY...

Make it Work!

2009-08-12T09:18:00.003-05:00

So I took down my sew-in the other day. Back to dealing with my real hair again! I'm happy to be blessed with a head full of thick, natural hair but it's so hard to manage sometimes! I feel myself craving a four letter word...dare I say it? P-e-r-m. I been without chemicals in my hair for almost 5 years now and I'm not even sure how my tresses would react to to the shock of a relaxer in my hair right now. I should probably say no...I should say no. This picture to the left is me last night before I went to bed. I smoothed conditioner all up in my hair then braided it up. I used to wear my hair like this when I was 5. This morning it was super soft and a lot more tame than the day before. Imma try to work with what I got and not succumb to the creamy crack...I love my natural 'do. I'm gonna pray for strength ya'll....

40 Ounces

2009-08-11T15:30:00.006-05:00

Forty ounces of love, so intoxicating,
Forty ounces of love, so inebriating...*
Does anyone remember the movie Hav Plenty? It was written and starred in by a guy named Christopher Cherot. Chenoa Maxwell and Robinne Lee played the leading ladies in the film. Since the film's debut in 1997, Cherot has been virtually unheard of on the acting side of the big screen. His female counterparts however, have found work here and there on both the big and small screen. Chenoa Maxwell is also a professional photographer.
I really liked Cherot, who seemed to just be playing himself in this holiday-themed flick. I would have liked to see more acting endeavors from him after this movie. Was making Hav Plenty career suicide for Chris??? IDK, but brotha, where you bee at?
*This little jingle comes from the movie. I won't say what part, you may just have to check it out to find out...

Thinking PINK

2009-08-11T14:15:00.004-05:00

I soooo want this! Maybe as an early birthday present (even though my birthday isn't until November lol)

Goes Without Saying

2009-08-10T15:10:00.008-05:00

I came across an old Ri Ri pic and I had to pause because I almost didn't recognize her. She looked so innocent and so docile. She reminded me of a beauty pagaent contestant.

Goes without saying, but Ri Ri done come a long way, she's a total rock star now. Wow.

One Hundred Posts...

2009-08-05T09:45:00.002-05:00

I made it, I made it, I made it!!! Why so overjoyed about writing my 100th post? I know, it's no biggie really. Folks do it all the time. But between the long distance relationship, the awful blogger's block, and a little culprit called twitter , I haven't been fair to my blog. While I am addicted to the IG (instant gratifiaction) of immediate response/feedback on twitter, I do miss the creation of a blog post. I fail to strike a balance. Why can't I keep up with both equally? I've seen other fellow bloggers/Twitterers do it. Ah, well. The lure of my blog has been calling me. I have a fire under me and I have had a lot to talk about: My relationship, my struggle as a single mom, my job, me finding and executing my calling in life. I don't wanna let my blogging go by the wayside. It's a part of who I am. Blogging for me = chicken soup for the soul. Ahh! Now that's better.....

Confuzzled

2009-07-14T11:30:00.004-05:00

Someone PLEASE tell me why the Dream (more like nightmare at this point) is posing with no shirt on his body??? He is NOT sexy. Has the nerve to drop his pants down low and show off his Calvin Klein draws like he a sex symbol...N!gg@ You are not. I know he must feel great that he has Cmili on his arm and that's fine and all, but he shoulda wore a white tee, hell a wife beater even in this photoshoot. Just cause your significant other is hot, doesn't mean that the hawtness automatically transfers to your ass, foo!!! Now I can tell that the Dream has dropped a significant amount of weight since when he first hit the scene. And like any normal human being he is proud of his newfound sexy. While I congratulate that, the Dream is still not all that toned to be posing like that with his man boob showing in Vibe magazine. He should save that sight exclusively for Cmili's eyes only. The Dream seemed much more humble when he was married to Nivea, before he blew up on the music scene and shed some pounds...I'm just sayin.

Bee Right Back/Twitter

2009-07-10T10:52:00.008-05:00

I haven't been on here in a minute. I miss the blog world and my blog family. I think it's time for a little break.
I haven't felt like myself lately. I wonder if I'm suffering from a mild case of depression? Or burnout? Or both?!?
The bf took a contract job that may last 6 months or more that's 2 hours away. More $$$ for him, but the separation has been a little hard on me, on both of us really, but he gotta do what he gotta do. Road trips are in my future. I love me some R.
Anyway, you can follow me at http://twitter.com/lilHoneyb.

Bee back soon!!!

Bras...Necessary Evil ( I Guess)

2009-06-23T23:35:00.008-05:00

It's about that time to get me some more bras...The wire in my fav bra has come out and starting poking my body leaving a nasty bruise (TMI I know this). I don't even know my real bra size... I am certain that I am not wearing the right size, not the way I've been feeling. We women go through a lot! Men don't have to worry about that crap (unless they have man boobs but still no bra is required). But ah, I digress. And why are bras for big breasted women so much more EXPENSIVE than the smaller ones! That is discrimination if you ask me. Ain't my fault I got enough to feed the needy lol.
***Side Note*** The BF said that if I insist on losing weight, he insists for me to please not lose any breasts/booty or thighs. I'm beginning to feel like a 3 piece chicken dinner, but anywho, I tole him that it don't work like that, but that he can rest assured that when I lose weight, I'll still be perfectly proportioned and won't lose too much of my ahem, assets. ; )
Any who, my lazy butt is gonna relax on the couch. The boy is asleep and now I can rest easier!

xoxo

lil Honey b

I'm Just Sayin...

2009-06-12T20:20:00.005-05:00

I don't know how many of ya'll watch this season of College Hill on BET, but doesn't the obnoxious Kyle look sorta like the gay flight attendent from the movie Soul Plane? What do ya'll think? I'm just sayin....

Don't Be Skinny!

2009-06-09T22:48:00.002-05:00

The other day when I saw my boyfriend he commented that I looked I was losing weight. "Thanks," I told him. Then the funniest thing happened: he narrowed his eyes and told me in the most serious tone ever: "Don't be getting skinny on me girl." "What did you say?" I asked him. "You heard me," he said, "Don't be skinny. I don't like skinny girls!" He goes on to tell me it's cool if I want to go to the gym or the track and workout and thangs, but um, I better not be getting all skinny. "Um, okay," was all I could say with a laugh. "I promise I won't get skinny." "I like you the way you are," he told me, "That's why I'm with you."
Nuff said.

Coincidence

2009-06-04T09:43:00.000-05:00

So the other day I was on my way to the post office and jammin to one of my favorite new tunes, "Give it to me Right" by newcomer Melanie Fiona. As I arrive at the post office, I park my car and go inside. While I'm waiting in line, I hear the familiar beat to the song I was just listening to. I'm thinking, "What's the post office know about this song?" Then I realize that while the song I'm hearing has the same beat, it's actually an old skool track called The Season Of by a group called the Zombies. Either way, the beat is haunting and will have you hooked at the same time. What a coincidence, huh?

Check out the video here: http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid4459840001?bctid=23033986001

2009 Is The Year of the Coon

2009-06-03T09:30:00.003-05:00

Well every year is a coon-tastic year on television if you ask me. And I for one have enjoyed it. From the very first Flavor of Love episode to I Love New York, to Real Housewives, to Real Chance of Love right down to the newest season of Charm School, I admit that I've watched them all. Some folks say it's not real, who cares? It's entertainment TV. But one show I cannot for the life of me f*ck with is that damn New York Goes to Work bs. Hell to da naw!!! Let's face it: Tiffany Pollard's 15 minutes ran out LONG time ago. As badly as she tried to portray herself as a serious actress in her last series New York Goes to Hollywood, everyone knows that she couldn't act for sh!t. While I admit she has come a LONG way since she first appeared on the first Flavor show, her whole persona has gone from New York the sarcastic bitch to New York on steroids. From the cartoonish boob job to the lacefronts, to the exaggerated makeup, New York is a modern day coon. Actin a fool for the cameras so she can get paid. And I'm not even mad at her, for $10,000 a show for going to work for "the man," I might just have to get on TV and get my coon on too. Naw, just playin. But damn Tiffany, when you gonna retire and quit making those reality TV shows? I guess as long as VH1 keeps throwing money her way...

Kimora Lee Simmons: Now That's a Bad Bitch

2009-06-02T09:11:00.004-05:00

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an avid fan of all things Baby Phat and I feel Kimora Lee Simmons is an inspiration. Soo, congrats are in order to this bad mama jamma who gave birth to her first son on Saturday, May 30. The father is her beau, actor Djimon Hounsou. I lifted this pic from Kimora's twitter page because even in labor, she didn't lose any of her fabulosity! As far as I know, the baby boy's name hasn't been released yet, but what a lucky baby he is! Here are a few more pics of Kimora looking FAB-U-LOUS...

Eddie Murphy: Fail

2009-06-01T10:49:00.005-05:00

So Eddie Murphy has a new movie coming out called Imagine That. Based on the commercials, it's about a man whose daughter has magical powers and everything she imagines comes to life (I guess). While I'm sure the movie is fine and all, I wish that instead of making a movie about him having a daughter, he would make time to see his real life daughter Angel Iris Murphy Brown who he shares with Spice Girl Melanie B.
Look at her! She is too cute! How could he not want to at least meet his youngest child? At first he denied that he was the dad, (that is, until paternity tests proved otherwise) and it's been reported that he refuses to see his child because Melanie B is supposedly crazy. I bet he didn't think she was crazy when he was deep stroking it raw. So what if he and his baby mama aren't on good terms??? Lots of people learn how to put that aside for the child's sake. Eddie, you are pushing 50, and this is how you act? Come on man, you've got to do better!

Small Freakin World

2009-05-18T09:59:00.009-05:00

In my last post, I mentioned meeting my boyfriend's mother. Unbeknown to me, she knew of me already. A couple of weeks ago, my son went with my bf's sister to play with some of their nieces. It was then that my son got to meet R's mother. She asked him who his grandmother was and he readily responded by saying, "My Nana is (first name)_(last name)." "_(FIRST NAME)_?!?!?" Replied his mom, "I know who she is, I will NEVER forget HER." Turns out over 30 years ago, my mom found my boyfriend's mother naked in her estranged husband's closet in the apartment that they used to share. Long story short, my mama went apesh_t and beat R's mama so badly that she had to go to the hospital. To make matters worse, my mom's husband didn't even try to break them up, he just let my mom unleash a can of whoop ass on her. Well, in my mom's defense they were still married at the time, but were separated. I don't even know who this man is, he was my mother's first husband. I do know that not long after the incident, my mother met my father, remarried and had me. How crazy is that? I never knew my mom had a side like that to her.

So on Mother's Day when I meet his mom, I am going in with the knowledge that my mama beat her ass for fooling around with her first husband. She knew I knew it too. I wanted to laugh when I met her. It was hard to keep a straight face. I was also a little nervous. But when we met each other, it cool. We were polite to each other and made no mention of the past. I told my mom about it and she said in her Claire Huxtable-esque demeanor: "She better be nice to you if she knows what's good for her!" Some things never change.....

lil Honey b

Meantime In-Between Time...

2009-05-12T13:25:00.004-05:00

I haven't been on here in a minute! But all is well....I've got so much that I wanna say, but there are simply not enough hours in the day for me to do it all. I wanna read so many ppl's blogs, but I don't have much time for that either at this point. Been hella busy at work. But I can't complain, JOB SECURITY. My honey and I are still going strong. I met his mother on Mother's Day. There's a funny story behind that, but I'll have to elaborate on that another time. All in all life is good, I am thoroughly blessed and I am excited about my future!

lil Honey b

Single and Lonely...Or In Love and Crazy?

2009-05-04T11:05:00.007-05:00

People say that love is not supposed to hurt, but I beg to differ, especially since everybody is different. Even though my relationship is new, we are experiencing some difficulty. My heart is going every which way and I feel likeI've got the stupid-fool-in-love disease. I've always said it, and I'll say it again: Being in love makes you act like a big dumb ass. When you are looking at someone's relationship from the outside, it is so easy to say how foolish/crazy/unreasonable a situation is. But when you're in it, it's a whole different story. I won't go into the specifics of our problems, but know that's he's not putting his hands on me or cheating.

We just have some issues to work out. With R, my heart is so open with no guards up and it makes it really hard for me to protect myself from potential hurt. Sometimes when we disagree, I want to close off my heart, turn off my feelings and push him far, far away. I know that's not the way a relationship works. I've been out of practice for so long, I don't know how to act. Running away won't solve anything. I know that sometimes I can be very rigid and unable to compromise. This is what I am going to have to work on. I have to realize that for in order for this to workout between him and I, I will have to be willing to do the work. It's not always easy, but I care too much for him to just let him go....

Cougar? Well, Maybe a Little Cougar-ish...

2009-04-27T14:20:00.011-05:00

I recently saw a commercial for a show called The Cougar hosted by Vivica Fox. When my mom saw the commercial, she said "Hey, that's you!" "Me a cougar??" I replied. "Maybe a little cougar-ish, but not a real cougar." Granted, I don't know the "magic age" when a woman who dates younger men has to be in order to be considered a cougar, but I do know that a cougar is a woman who is widely believed to be in her 40's or older who enjoys dating younger men. I'm not in my 40's but I have been known to attract men who were younger than me. I've got almost 5 years on my son's father. Same goes for my current bf. I don't go out of my way to hook up with younger men, it just seems to happen that way. In all fairness, I have dated men who were the same age as me and some that were older. But ever since I turned 20, I have received a considerable amount of young love. However I don't look at age, but rather how the person treats me. Age really is just a number. Here's a look at some famous cougars:

Michael Ealy and Halle Berry: they are no longer together, but what a sexy couple they made!
Ashton and Demi seem to compliment one another.
Seems like it took an older woman like Mariah to settle hubby Nick Cannon down.

Emotional Rollercoaster

2009-04-20T14:05:00.006-05:00

Man oh man did I forget what it is to be in a relationship! I wanted a bf, and I got one. Despite what my previous post may have stated, I'm not going to run away from my man, I'm not going anywhere. Now I am re-learning how to communicate, compromise and to have compassion for another human being besides my son. In the past my guard has always been up, so I am not used to operating while my heart is wide open. It's so hard for me to risk my once heavily-guarded, ice covered fenced-in heart. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so the potential to do damage is high. But I realize that this relationship is not just about me, and not just about my boo, but the both of us working together. In the past, if someone I was dating was doing something that I didn't like, I seriously considered cutting them off because I used to feel like no one would care enough about me in order to compromise or to make a sacrifice. I now have somebody in my life who cares enough about me to be sensitive to my needs.
Love is inconvenient, it comes when you are not expecting it and can push its way into life whether you are ready to accept it or not. I had forgotten how tumultuous the ebb and flow of a relationship can be. My heart is so big and I love so hard. Right now, I'm strapped in and ready to ride this thing til the wheels fall off!

Honeymoon's Over

2009-04-19T00:27:00.003-05:00

When walked into the club that night and became re connected with R, I didn't think I'd end up with a heart problem. My heart is torn and I'm not sure what to do. At what point do you throw in the towel? I feel like the run away girl friend because that is what I wanna do right now. He doesn't know it yet, IDK how to tell him or if it's even the right thing to do. I sure know how to find em but now what am I gonna do with him?! I suck at relationships...

"Unbeatable" Humor

2009-04-17T09:26:00.004-05:00

So I was at Wal-Mart last night and I turned the corner and saw this display: rubber bands for an "unbeatable" Twenty-seven dollars and ninety-seven cents! I kid you not, I did a double-take then I had to whip out the cell phone and snap me a flick of this one. I dunno about you, but for $27.97, I better be getting ALL of them damn packages of hair ties that you see in this picture and then some. I know someone at Wal-Mart probably just screwed up, but I thought I'd share. I mean, I know the economy is doing bad and thangs, but the hell is this??? When a pack of fabric rubber bands starts costing me more than it costs to fill up the gas tank in my car, then I know somethings jacked up......

Don't Say Nothin

2009-04-16T13:56:00.018-05:00

I wouldn't be speaking nothing but the truth when I say lil Honey B (speaking about myself in the 3rd person) is not without her quirks. I admit it, I'm full of them, but I guess that's what makes me me. One of my problems is I don't always know how to express myself when something is bothering me. I don't always confide in trusted friends or family members when something is eating away at me. I think fear (there's that awful four letter word again) has a lot to do with it. I've recognized that fantasizing is one of my defense mechanisms, meaning that when things go wrong, I tend to pretend it isn't happening at first because it prevents me from totally freaking out. Weird, I know. I don't do this with everything, but certain events do seem to trigger this type of reaction from me. So why would I choose to keep my problems all bottled up when clearly it would be much better to talk about it to someone that I can trust? Right now I can think of 2 reasons:

Reason 1. Telling someone about my problem makes it "real".

Yeah, I know what you're thinking, "It's already real you idiot." But seriously, once you break your silence and decide to confide in someone about your problems, it automatically adds another dimension to the situation. Now that they know a little more about your situation, they are looking at you like "Sooo, what are you gonna do now?" I don't know about you, but I don't like the pressure of finding a solution when I haven't got a clue. While I realize the importance of facing problems head on and that procrastination can only make things worse, sometimes, I prefer to seek a solution solo.

Reason 2. Revealing your problems may make you vulnerable to judgement and misunderstanding.

Everybody does it, but it is the worst feeling in the world when it's being done to you. I'm talking about judging somebody. I personally try not to do it, but it's human nature to pick somebody apart sometimes. But, seriously, who wants to go to somebody to talk out their troubles only to be blasted as a result? One of the reasons I joined blogger was to be able to express myself freely and get things out of my mind and out of my heart that are troubling (or overjoying) me. I never knew that I would find tremendous support from individuals who could relate to what I was going through. So today I would like to take steps to get closer to getting over my fear of sharing my inner struggles. To be able to talk to those who care about me and be able to reveal what's going on in my life whether it be good or bad. And most of all, to take any adversity that may come my way in life and flip it into something positive.

lil Honey b

Award Tour Ya'll

2009-04-16T11:14:00.006-05:00

I am the recipient of the Proiximity Award, graciously sent to me from SheBloggs at http://shebloggz.blogspot.com/.
What it means:

PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time, and relationships. These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind bloggers aim to find and be friends. Check up on these writers! The rules are: This blog award should be sent to your favorite 8 bloggers, and they, in turn, should forward it to their fave 8.

The Rundown:

C. Jervis at http://lifeafterjervis.blogspot.com/

Journey of a Woman Scorned at http://scournedwoman.blogspot.com/

Soulstress at http://lifensong.blogspot.com/

Lyfesimplified at http://lyfesimplified.wordpress.com/

Craigjc at http://popwife.blogspot.com/

Blackberry Molasses/The Rebel at http://lostwomanchild.blogspot.com/

Organized Chaos at http://streatdreams.blogspot.com/

Stef at http://curvaceouscuban.blogspot.com/

Shopping Soothes The Soul

2009-04-14T11:14:00.006-05:00

So yesterday I had a "sister day" with one of my girlfriends. We started by going to a much needed happy hour and then to the mall to do some shopping. Drinking and shopping are two of my vices. But it felt so good to do it because I got a lot of things that I wanted....I got my maxi dress!!! I finally found one that was flattering and sexy. It shows a tad bit too much cleavage, but that can be easily remedied with a cardigan or cropped jacket. I also got some leggings, a pair of shorts, and a couple of knee length summer dresses. So I'm guessing I'm about ready for the Spring and Summer.
We also checked out Bath & Body Works (I'm LOVING the Velvet Tuberose fragrance) and picked us up a couple of Pink items at good ole Victoria's Secret. It was a day well spent, I haven't been shopping in a while.
When I got home, I felt so relaxed, I about melted into the bed. I think every girl needs a "sister day" every now and then.

lil Honey b

Fools Rush In

2009-04-13T14:50:00.004-05:00

For the past couple of weeks, I have been in couple heaven. I haven't been in a relationship for very a long while so it's been exciting and scary at the same time. I am very used to and don't mind being by myself, so all this togetherness is enlightening. I didn't think I'd meet someone who'd accept me and all my quirks. But believe me when I say my bf has some quirks of his own as well. Right now I'm overwhelmed with feelings of infatuation mixed with uncertainty. My honey has 2 sides to him: Caring, assertive, friendly and helpful. But he's also has another side that I can detect. I've seen a brooding look in his eyes sometimes and I don't know why. I know some of his story, but I'm still getting to know him. Now I'm second guessing a little bit. Did I rush into this relationship too soon? IDK. It may very well be my insecurities about relationships that are plaguing me right now. I am very accoustomed to it just being my son and me that my fears might be driving me back into my comfort zone. I know no relationship is perfect, but did I bite off more than I can chew? IDK, only time will tell...

Potluck Ramblings

2009-04-03T12:19:00.019-05:00

It's Friday and I am super excited. I get to stay up late and have as many amaretto sours as I please. I get to sleep in Saturday morning. I don't do mornings very well. I also get to kick it with my new man this weekend. Hold up--did I just say new man??? Yeah I did. All of my friends have been noticing that I am absolutely smitten. I am glowing. I haven't felt this way in a long time. Since I don't use real names on blogger, I'll refer to my boo as "R". Anywho, R and I are gonna spend some QT this weekend.

On another note, I cannot seem to get Beyonce's song Halo out of my friggin' head. I really do not care for this song, but for some reason the damn chorus keeps running through my mind at random intervals. I do however like to watch the video because Michael Ealy is some serious eye candy. The man has sex appeal for weeks on end. I know Bee is a married woman, but lucky her to be able to shoot a video with him.

Switching gears on ya'll again, how 'bout them maxi dresses??? I want one sooo bad. One of my friends indicated that you have to be tall and thin in order to look decent in one of these things but I beg to differ. I've tried a couple on and I admit that the fit wasn't fabulous. Because I'm heavy-chested, they kinda made me look preggo, which was not the look I was going for. I haven't given up on my search tho, I want at least 5 of them by the time summer comes along. The maxi dress is gonna become my official uniform for the summer time ya'll!

Okay, that's all folks. Everyone have a super weekend!

lil Honey b

Treasure Island

2009-03-31T13:31:00.005-05:00

Imagine being trapped on a deserted island, not knowing when or if you'd ever be rescued. You're not happy about it, but you adapt the best way you know how. You are constantly are searching for a way to escape. Months, even years go by and you still find yourself trapped. Many times, it seems as though you have found a way off the island, only to later realize that it was just an illusion. You begin to get desperate, you're now even placing yourself in harm's way in order to get out of there. You cry out for help but feel as though no one is listening. You are beginning to lose hope and your morale is slowly slipping away.
Things get really bad: The small things in your surroundings that once gave you comfort no longer interest you. Storm after storm mercilessly passes through, each one leaving more detriment than the last. You begin to wonder what you've done to receive such a punishment, your heart grows hard and embittered.
Since the harsh storms have left much damage, you recognize that it's time to rebuild. No more anger, no more tears, just commitment to the renewal of your habitat. Anything that was toxic, broken or damaged get tossed aside.
Pretty soon new life begins to emerge. AND THEN...
While you're cultivating the new plants, on your hands and knees, you come across something partially covered up by the sand. Excited, you start digging with your hands and uncover an escape chute. Shocked and happy all at once you come to the realization that the route to your escape was always there, you just had to clear out all the mess before you could find it.

That is my metaphoric tale about the state of my love life for the last 8 years. I have cleared out all the junk and have been patiently waiting and now I am so happy.

lil Honey b

Single No More...Am I Moving Too Fast?

2009-03-25T13:29:00.010-05:00

After years of being single and/or semi-single, I think I've found someone. The funny part is I wasn't even looking. In fact, before I walked up in the club that night with my homegirl I announced, "I'm tired of everybody wanting me to have someone in my life. I don't need no one in my life. My friend said that she's praying for me to meet my husband and my old co-worker says that she has someone she wants me to meet. But I don't want to meet anyone. I'm doing fine by myself. I'm soooo over it!" Is what I told her. And I meant it. I went out to have a good time, ya know share a few drinks and laughs. That's when I came across an old friend who I hadn't seen in years. Sparks flew, fireworks went off, long story short cupid shot me in the ass with a heavily sedated arrow. So far it's been crazy, totally unexpected and wonderful all at the same time. We've talked and/or have seen each other every day. He's sweet, funny and talkative. He thinks I am beautiful and tells me every chance he gets. I started having strong feelings about him; then he told me he wanted me to be his girl. Now I'm wondering to myself, "Am I moving too fast?" I am soo not used to having a boyfriend. Even though my life as a single woman got lonely sometimes, I felt like overall my life was pretty good. Now, I am attempting to embark on this relationship and I am scared to death. Now I remember why I've been terrified of relationships for so long: I've got trust issues, dammit. The "what ifs" are dogging me; I don't want to be lied to, I don't want to played, I don't want to get hurt. Part of me is so happy that I want to jump and scream for joy. Part of me is so nervous that I want to turn the other way and run as far away as possible. I've seen so many problems that couples experience and I ask myself, "Is it really worth it?" I know relationships are not easy, but I also feel like it's time for me to be in one. I'm so ready to see where this journey takes me....

I'm Back Up In This!!!

2009-03-23T09:47:00.008-05:00

I'm baaaaa-aaack!!! I went on Spring Break and took a small hiatus from blogger. So much has happened in the last week or so it's ridiculous, in a good way. I partied hard enough to last me at least six months. As soon as my girls and I stepped into the club, we were invited to come up into the VIP section. We were served Patron and Moet all night long. I got to meet and take a picture with Mannie Fresh (I love that man's music!)
I think I also found love.

Not while I was on my girls-only weekend getaway, but right here at home. I ran into an old friend that I used to work with;he was feeling me and I was feeling him. He's so genuine and the love he shows me feels so real. All this is so very new and unexpected. I don't know how to act. He showers me with attention and compliments and I am not used to it. I feel so comfortable around him and he's a good and supportive person.

Every thing's kind of in a whirlwind right now, and I'm just trying to catch my breath...

lil Honey b

So Much On My Mind...

2009-03-13T08:34:00.014-05:00

So as of late, I've had so much on my mind. Where do I start? Hmmm. One of my dear friends has a birthday coming up and she wants to celebrate by going out of town and having a weekend blast. No problem. I haven't been able to afford to go out of town for a while, so I'm excited to be partying with some of my favorite chicas in a big city. I guess I'm getting annoyed at the constant change of plans. First, everyone but me decided that they wanted to fly to our destination. So I told everyone that I was going to travel by car and would meet them at the airport. Well, I find out yesterday that nobody is flying up there, that they all want to ride with me. That's okay, except there are now 2 extra people coming and I now realize that my car isn't big enough to accommodate all these people plus our luggage. I'm still okay with this, I'm not even trippin. The bomb dropped when I discovered that one of the 2 extra people coming along is a frenemy--you know, not really a friend, but kinda sorta an enemy. This "frenemy" who I'll call "Rachel" is the newest member of our friend circle. At first, Rachel seemed to be a crazy cool individual. Like me, she's a single mother so I understand her struggle. But that's where our similarities end. Rachel is a snake in the grass. She said and done many inappropriate things regarding men in mine and other friends' lives. Nobody seems to be off limits: ex-boyfriends, babies daddies, current beaus. She has a way of doing some slick sh!t and then when she gets called out, she profusely apologizes. But then sooner or later, she does the same sh!t again. About six months ago, one of our mutual friends had a birthday party and Rachel was invited. Many Patron shots later, everyone started dancing and Rachel ends up backing her big ass up on one our friends' (someone I'll call Jill) ex-boyfriend, a man that Jill spent more than 5 years with. Rachel knows the history between Jill and her ex and she still shamelessly shook her ass all up on his crotch in front of Jill like everything was all good. Granted, I blame Jill's ex as well for this highly disrespectful behavior. I don't know how other friends do it, but in my circle of friends, the ex-boyfriend/baby daddy/husband/jumpoff is strictly off limits!!! Rachel obviously doesn't see it this way, which is why after the incident at the party, Jill started to give Rachel the cold shoulder. Rachel's presence in our group became less over the last few months, and I was happy because she has offended me on more than one occasion with her behavior (she's "talked" to a guy I used to date and tried to flaunt it in my face OVER and OVER). But unlike Jill, I had no problem telling Rachel exactly how I felt. So imagine my surprise when Jill tells me that not only is Rachel coming with us on our trip, but since everyone is flying back except for me and Rachel, Rachel could just ride with me home. WTF??? I asked Jill what was she smoking and could she please quit right now. Jill laughed. I didn't.

I know it's easier to forgive than it is to hate. I don't hate Rachel, I just don't hang with her. And the thought of driving home with just her and myself in the car is a little awkward. I am seriously having second thoughts about going on this trip. Part of me wants to go because when my friends and I all get together we have a blast. Part of the reason I am reconsidering is because there has been multiple changes in our plans and the cost of this trip is surely going to be affected. And then there is that issue with Rachel. I'm not the kind of person who goes out of her way to cause drama or to stir up trouble. I don't have to like Rachel, but if I do end up going on this trip. I'll be cordial.

We'll see how this goes...

lil Honey b

If Money Grew On Trees...

2009-03-06T13:34:00.012-06:00

"You know money don't grow on trees..." If I had a dollar for every time I heard or said that phrase, shoot, money would never be a problem. But I got to thinking: What would I do if I suddenly had access to unlimited amounts of money? Here are my top 6 picks:

Finish School

Knowledge is power. Higher education equals more opportunities and higher earning potential. I don't care if you're 18 or 80, it's never too late to get your degree.

Travel

There are some many places in the world that I'd love to visit. The sky would be the limit...literally.

Tummy Tuck

Sometimes after childbirth, your body is just not what it used to be. You can diet, run and do crunches but it still might not be enough. So if I had the funds I most definitely would undergo surgery to re-capture some of that pre-baby swagger.

Hook Up My House

Painting and decorating is a hobby of mine--but I have to do it on a budget. I have so many plans for furniture, flooring and painting in my house. If I had the money, I'd be able to step up my home improvement game in a big way.

Give Others a Helping Hand

I would love to be able to help out those who are in need, those who have goals but have no way of attaining them and those who are less fortunate.

Save

Times are hard. The future is uncertain. Enough said.

What would YOU do if you had money growing on trees? Dolla-dolla bills ya'll!

lil Honey b

Mi Familia, Mi Corazon

2009-03-05T14:37:00.007-06:00

My mother is one of my best friends. We don't always agree on everything, but I can honestly say that she has my best interests at heart. She's always in my corner no matter what I may be going through. These last few months, she was there for me almost every day to pick me up after work. As a result, we have grown even closer. This week she is in Mexico on vacation and I miss my mom so much! I feel like a little kid in daycare who's missing her mommy. We usually talk several times a day, but I won't be able to talk to her until she gets back. But I know she needed this trip. She went to Tampico, Mexico where her mother was born. She told me she hasn't been there to visit in 41 years. I'm happy that she gets the opportunity to go back and visit.
Last week I finally got a car after several months without one. Almost immediately I started having car trouble which naturally had me freaking out. Fortunately, my car had only a minor problem that was fixed quickly and inexpensively.
The day that I took my car to drop it off at the shop, I had to ride the bus after work to pick up my son from Latchkey. We then caught another bus to take us home. As we got off at our stop, my son held my hand all the way on our walk home. He's still young (age 7) but he's big for his age (people think he's closer to 9). The fact that he reached out to hold my hand and was oblivious as to who might have been watching us really touched my heart.
I love my son and my mother so much and I will always keep them close to my heart.

Picture of Health

2009-03-05T13:53:00.003-06:00

A while back I did a post about some products that I wanted to try from the Carol's Daughter hair care line. I ordered the hair milk, mimosa hair honey and the healthy hair butter. Here are my results:
After I washed and conditioned my hair, I squeezed the excess water out of my hair and put in some hair milk. I also put in some healthy hair butter around my edges and in my crown where my hair is especially dry. As you can see, these products tamed the many different textures of hair on my head. My hair stayed soft and hydrated all day.

Since I've gone natural more than 4 years ago, it's been a challenge keeping my hair straight after I flat iron it. It usually frizzes up after one or two days and looks terrible. I decided to put Carol's Daughter to the test. I washed and blow dried my hair. I added some of the mimosa hair honey on my scalp, edges and ends. Flat ironing was a breeze.. Nothing sizzled or popped. It's been four days and my hair is still looking great. I also applied the healthy hair butter to my edges and it laid them down.

Bottom line, I love this stuff and I'm going to continue to use it!

lil Honey b

Vices: How Many of Us Have Them?

2009-03-02T09:59:00.013-06:00

According to Wikipedia, a vice is a practice or habit considered immoral, depraved, and/or degrading in the associated society. In more minor usage, vice can refer to a fault, a defect, an infirmity or merely a bad habit. Everybody has vices, or habits that they'd like to quit.

For some people it's gambling, for others it's drinking alcohol, for some it's excessive internet usage and for others it can be drug abuse. Nobody really likes to admit their vices, it's very common for folks to rationalize and/or minimize their vices and the negative impact that they can have on themselves and others. Which is why today I'm gonna name some of my vices:

Shopping

This is a big one for me. Hands down I love to shop. Whether it be on eBay, in the mall or out of town sometimes I can't help myself. For me, shopping is one of my biggest stress relievers (I'm sure many females can relate). It's like a game to me: I'm always hunting for the biggest bargain and I hardly ever pay full price for anything. I always get looks of admiration mixed with envy when I tell someone how much I paid for a blouse/pair of shoes/handbag. While I shop in moderation and don't let it take over my life, I realize that some of the items that I buy aren't necessary and that I could be saving the money that I'm spending. I don't know if I'll ever lose my desire to shop, but I am working on striking a good balance for now.

Alcohol

I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but there is definitely the potential for me to use alcohol as a crutch. Many times in life when I feel like I'm about to crack under pressure, I would have a few drinks and it wouldn't seem so bad. A happy hour with the girls here, a night of drinking at the club there, a small drink before bedtime and before I know it, I'm using the drink as a band-aid to cover up my problems instead of facing them head-on. These days, I don't drink as much as I have in the past, but it's always something for me to watch out for.

"The Grass Is Always Greener" Syndrome

I admit that I have been guilty of this one more times than I care to say. Looking at other people's lives and thinking my life would be so much better if I had it like so-and-so. For one, looking at someone's life from the outside is totally different than what it's like on the inside. For all you know, they may be just as miserable (or more) than you are. So now instead of focusing on the lives that others have, I focus on myself and my son and continue to count my blessings.

Caffeine

This is a minor offense but it's real! Let me not have some caffeine for a day or two and I get hit with the mother of all migraines. So what do I do? Listen to my body and give it more caffeine. LOL.

What are some of your vices???

lil Honey b

I Have Issues Part I

2009-02-25T14:46:00.013-06:00

So a little while back I did a post about my lagging sex drive and how it suddenly returned. Well not very long after it came back, it seemed to disappear again. WTF? I was back at square one, and the thought of me having sex with someone disgusted me. Nothing turns me on, in fact I don't even want to be turned on. Sad, huh? I know. I realize that there is more to life than wanting or being able to have sex but frankly, it's nice to know that the drive is still there.

So the past few weeks my desire has been playing hide and go seek with me: It's there. It's not there. It's there. It's not there...it's not there...AND still not there...man IDK....Hmmph. I am still fairly young, healthy and I exercise regularly. But I have been under a lot of stress lately. Paying off all my traffic tickets, getting my driver's license and looking for a car have been taking up most of my time. So now that I've paid my fines, got the license and found a car, you'd think that my sex drive would return...NOT. Maybe this is just my fate in life and I should just accept it. Something tells me that when I meet the person that I feel comfortable enough with to take it there with, then like magic, the sexiness and desire will just flow. But until then when I think about sex I cringe, kinda like when I see this pic:

lil Honey b

This Lil Kitty Went Shopping

2009-02-24T10:34:00.010-06:00

In order to celebrate getting my driver’s license, I ordered some make up from the Mac Hello Kitty Collection. I couldn't help it, it was too cute and I LOVE Hello Kitty.

Anyway, here is some of what I got:

Lip Conditioner in Pink Fish

Beauty Powder in Tahitian Sand

And here's what it looked like on me:

I LOVED the lip conditioner!! It made my lips super shiny and SOFT!
I used the beauty powder on my cheeks and across my eyelids and I love the natural looking glow it gave my skin!

I also got the lip glass in Sweet Strawberry but I have no pics of that one.

These are definitely keepers.

lil Honey b

A Lil Bit of Everything

2009-02-19T09:53:00.015-06:00

I'm at work, and once again I am bored. I dunno if this is just a phase that I'm going through right now or if it's more serious than that. One thing's for sure: the economy is bad, jobs are scarce, and I have a decent paying job with benefits so I'm not going anywhere. At least not anytime soon. I have to come up with a game plan so that I can have more options if I plan to exit my current position.

I decided to take a couple of pics at my desk 'cause I'm so bored. I'm thinking Kelly green definitely my color!

On a another note, I ordered some products from Carol's Daughter and I can't wait for them to arrive. This is what I ordered:

The Hair Milk is supposed to be the ish. I will definitely let you know how this one works out.Healthy Hair Butter. I'm hoping that this cures the dryness my hair gets sometimes.

Mimosa Hair Honey, I think this will be perfect when I'm wearing my ponytails and lil up dos.

lil Honey b

Almost There...

2009-02-16T11:10:00.011-06:00

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's such a good feeling. My troubles started back in 2000, when I received a couple of speeding tickets. Then in 2002 I had a small fender bender and got ticketed again. Sometime after that, I got another ticket for having an out of date sticker. Did I go down to court and take care of these citations in a timely manner? Nope. Since my license had a few years before it was due to expire, I put off taking care of my responsibility mainly because of fear. Fear of what? Fear of facing the judge, fear of having my driver's license taken away, fear of not being able to afford all the court costs in addition to the cost of my tickets. That fear I was feeling kept me frozen and I pushed everything into the farthest corner of my mind. Well in 2005 my car broke down and I had to get another one. Lucky for me, my license was still good. In 2007 when I found myself without transportation again, I came to the painful realization that not only had my license expired back in 2006, but I hadn't paid off all my tickets in full either. Damn. I was stuck. After a month of catching rides to work with friends, I finally had enough money to get me a lil car. Still one problem remained: I wouldn't be able to get a car title in my name without a valid driver's license. Double damn. So I gave my mother the money and she put the car in her name. That car came right on time too. I got it a week before my son started kindergarten at his new school. I felt so relieved. I went down to the court to get on payment plan so that I could pay off the balance that I owed on my traffic tickets. Fast forward to November 2008. I had finally paid off all my tickets (still driving dirty though) and was waiting for the court to clear me with the DPS so that I could finally have my license again. Three days after my payment, I was in a horrible accident. There were 2 cars in the middle lane of the freeway COMPLETELY STOPPED. By the time I got close, I didn't realize the cars were stopped; I thought they were just moving slow, so I pumped my brakes. I frantically looked to the right, to the left and to the right again and saw that there was no room on either side for me to move to another lane without hitting another car. I slammed on my brakes and hoped and prayed for the best...

I really don't recall what happened after I hit the first stopped car. I do know that ended up on the other side of the freeway with my car totaled and facing traffic. When the cops came, I got 3 more tickets. TRIPLE DAMN!!!! Not only had my record not yet been cleared with DPS, but I to pay 3 more tickets, still didn't have a license and was without a car again. I felt so low after that day; I've consistently had transportation since I was 16, so I didn't know how to act.

These past few months, I've been paying these tickets off (it ain't been easy) and have sacrificed much. I worked with the court in order for them to clear the blocks on my record. Because it had been more than 2 years since I've had a valid license, I had to take the written and the driving test all over again. And I was stressin. Not sure why I was stressin though because I know how to drive, but I was. Well last week I went to the DPS and took my written test and PASSED. Two days later I went back and took my driving test and ACED IT!!! So guess what??? I'm a licensed driver again!!!! I'm so happy right now. I got my income tax not too long ago, so now I'm car hunting, I hope I find one soon!

lil Honey b

Epiphany

2009-02-14T12:32:00.006-06:00

This Valentine's Day I thought I was going to bitter, mad, lonely and sad. But I can honestly say that I am feeling none of those things today. Today I feel so free, so accomplished and so strong. My emotional well-being has grown by leaps and bounds in these last few months and my confidence has skyrocketed through the roof. For so long I felt as though I had a missing link and happiness was just an elusive experience for me. Though I knew the basic principals of being a happy person, it was like I could never follow through. I was stuck feeling the same way all the time and I couldn't escape it. Ironically enough, it took me getting to one of my lowest points in order for me to get to the point that I am now. I have learned to take better care of myself. I have learned patience. I have learned courage. I have learned humility. I have persevered. And through all this, I have truly learned to love myself. I no longer have to look outside myself for affirmation and validation because I have all the validation and affirmation that I need within myself. The old me felt I needed somebody in my life to help complete me, I now know that only I can complete myself. I'm so focused on making myself a better person that I'm not even worried about anyone else. I know that when the time is right, things will fall into place the way that they need to. I no longer think that someting is wrong with me or that that I'm inferior. I know that I've got it going on and I have the best of what life has to offer.

xoxo

lil Honey b

Indifferent

2009-02-09T10:10:00.006-06:00

Indifferent.

That's how I feel today.

I got up this morning, got dressed, made a mad dash to the friggin bus stop...I made it to work on time.

But I might as well be at home because I'm NOT feeling today at all.

I came to my cubicle today with the best of intentions...I really did.

I have so much work to do today, but strangely enough I don't care.

My mind is going in all different directions.

I'm on auto-pilot.

I'm excited and scared at the same time. Does excited + scared = numb? Because that's how I feel.

Hopefully, I'll soon shake this feeling.

I feel like I'm trapped in my own little bubble.

I desperately want to get out.

I'm thinking reckless thoughts, deviating from regimen and normalcy.

"What's next?" I ask. I don't know....

lil Honey b

Ode To Being a Woman

2009-02-06T14:16:00.004-06:00

I love being a woman.

I love my curves.

I love how my body is soft yet strong at the same time.

I love the fullness of my breasts...

The ampleness of my backside...

The thickness of my thighs.

I look no further than my mirror if I want to see beauty.

I love the way I fill out a sweater or a low-cut blouse.

I love the "S" shape my silhouette makes when I wear a skirt or a dress.

I love my shapely legs.

I love my hourglass figure.

I love my womanly body...

I love being a woman.

lil Honey b

Dopplegangers

2009-02-05T14:11:00.010-06:00

Check out these celebrity look-alikes...The resemblance is uncanny. Erykah Badu is really channeling Diana Ross as she re-creates Ms. Ross' album cover in her video "Honey".
Jennifer Lopez transformed her look to play the slain Tejano star in the movie "Selena".

Actress Antoinique Smith looks the part as she's styled to look just like Faith Evans, whom she plays in "Notorious".

If you could be in a movie about a famous person's life, who would you want to play?

lil Honey b

Just 5 More Minutes

2009-02-03T11:49:00.008-06:00

That's what I say almost every morning when the alarm goes off. I hate getting up in the morning. I do it because I have to in order to make a living, but it's torture for me. I've made references in some of my posts like here and here about not being able to sleep at night. Last night I fell asleep at 8:45 p.m. and I still was fighting with the alarm clock this morning! "Please, just give me 5 more minutes!" I pleaded as I hit the snooze button. Perhaps I had had TOO much sleep last night. Why is that when it's time to get up, the bed feels the most warm and comfortable? Why does it feel as if someone is holding me hostage in my bed in the morning? Why do I seem to be experiencing my most vivid dreams right at the exact moment my alarm starts to sound off? Is it just me? I don't consider myself to be a lazy person, I just detest getting out of the bed. Once I'm up and about, I'm good. It's just the getting up part I have a problem with.

lil Honey b

Just Get Me a Really Big Closet...

2009-01-28T10:49:00.019-06:00

That line, uttered by Carrie Bradshaw in the movie Sex in the City sums up how I feel today. I love fashion and I have sooo many clothes. My closet however, has a hard time accommodating all my fashions. Or better yet, maybe I have a hard time managing my fashions. I simply do not have enough room to neatly store all my clothing. I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm a slouch when it comes to putting away my laundry. I'll wash my clothes on the regular, then, when it's time to actually put the darn clothes away, I tend to skip that step. So um, the clothes end up in my laundry room looking something like this:

Okay so I exaggerated a bit. But my laundry room does look horrible. These days, I am dreaming of a huge walk-in closet to neatly organize all my stuff. There's a small hall closet that's adjacent to my bedroom closet that I'm seriously thinking about jacking in order to expand my closet size. Anyway, here goes a few pics of my dream closet spaces...

It's Baaaack!

2009-01-26T12:54:00.011-06:00

My sex drive has returned! I know, TMI but honestly, I was getting scared. For the last couple of weeks I had absolutely no desire to be sexual whatsoever. When the thought of sex had even crossed my mind, I felt uninterested and repulsed at the same time. I've never felt that way. I was thinking maybe it's like the whole "use it or lose it" deal, and since I hadn't been using it, I thought maybe it had disappeared for good. I told one of my friends about how I was feeling and she said that perhaps it was my age. Hmmm. IDK. It could have been a lot of things. I know I'm a super-busy single mom and at the end of the day, I'm tired as hell. But I don't think I'd ever too tired to have sex. Not having a libido for a couple of weeks made life seem much easier. It was like I had one last thing to worry about. And plus, I'm not having sex, so what would I need my sex drive for?

***Sidenote*** A month ago, I ran into an old friend that I hadn't seen in a long time. We talk occasionally and he's told me that he's looking for that special someone. He's made it perfectly clear that he's willing to give me "the business" but I'm not wanting to take it there with him. Sex complicates things and I prefer his friendship over his sex. Plus, he's not ready...

My mom surprised me by taking me to lunch today. On our way back to my job, I saw a nice looking brother getting out of his car down town. As he started walking toward some building I couldn't help but notice that he was looking oh so good. As I kept staring, our eyes met and I instantly recognize him. "Avery," a guy from my past. Brought back a lot of good memories. Made me want to keep on staring. My mom asked me, "Do you know him?" "Yeah," I answered dreamily. I wrestled with my new found libido as I thought about Avery and wished I hadn't deleted his phone number from my cell phone many, many months ago. But I deleted it for a reason. Like my other friend he just wasn't ready....

lil Honey b

Weekend Blurbs

2009-01-26T08:44:00.006-06:00

So it's another monotonous Monday. Wooo-fuggin-hooo! I can probably think of a million and one things that I would prefer to be doing right now, but at least I'm making money. Here's a re-cap of what went down this weekend...

I saw the movie Inkheart this weekend with my friend and our children...good movie.

After the movie, I went to the ladies room and dropped my cell phone in the toilet (I know TMI). I immediately took it apart and stuck it under the dryer. At first my phone acted crazy, but now it's working just fine like nothing ever happened...

I helped my mom do her taxes.

In addition to the walking that I've been doing, I ran the bleachers at the high school nearby my house (no pain, no gain).

I've been cooking up a storm these past few days. Tonight I think I'll make lasagna. Mmmm...

That's it for now. I'll talk to ya'll later.

lil Honey b

Miss Jackson If You're Nasty

2009-01-23T09:35:00.005-06:00

"I had to tell her she's a young Janet Jackson, live in living color..." Shake Ya Tailfeather, Murphy Lee, Nelly & Diddy

I have been told that I resemble Janet Jackson. Not the breast-flashing, Jermaine Dupri dating, super buff Janet that we see today; But more like the Janet that we saw in the 80s with the long black hair, black clothing, killer dance routines and chubby cheeks.

I don't think I'm a dead ringer for Janet but it's a nice compliment to be told that I look like her. Here are a couple of pics. What do you think?

lil Honey b

I'm a Fuggin' Procrastinator

2009-01-21T15:23:00.005-06:00

The above statement describes me perfectly. Today I am procrastinating a lot. I have a lot of work to do and yet, I am right here typing on this blog instead of doing my work.

Something feels a little off today for me in my world. IDK, maybe it was the fact that I slept from 9 p.m. til 12:45 a.m., washed/blow dried/flat ironed my hair from about 1 a.m. til 3 a.m., watched Tru TV from 3a.m. til 4:30a.m., and had to wake up for the day at 6:30 a.m.

I'm annoyed at all the whiny ppl who keep calling my work phone askin questions. Why won't they just stop? Geeeeeesssh. Don't nobody want to talk to they a$$.

On a positive note, can't wait to watch tonight's episode of Nip/Tuck. That is fuckery at its finest. Christian and Sean are my pretend boyfriends (I have a lot of those lol). They are the HAWTNESS.

ANYWAY, back to work before I get into trouble...ttyl blog family.....

lil Honey b

Obama Is Now Our 44th President

2009-01-21T09:05:00.010-06:00

So proud to be an American, so happy we now have a president that has called upon all of its citizens to help rebuild America.

May God bless Barack Obama, his wife Michelle, and their daughters Malia and Sasha as he takes on the portentous task of in Commander-In-Chief of the United States of America.

I love what Obama stands for, I love his ideals, and I love that his presence in the White House has invigorated America. I love how he loves Michelle. Here are some more pictures of this most memorable day:

What Ever Happened To...

2009-01-15T13:47:00.005-06:00

Since I've been in such a nostalgic mood lately, thinking about the 90s and such, I was wondering whatever happened to homegirl Ariyan A. Johnson?
She was in the 1992 movie "Just Another Girl on the IRT." She had a few other small roles after that, she was in "Bullworth" and a few episodes of "The Steve Harvey Show." She seemed like a such a promising actress, I would've liked to see more of her. I know it's hard for Black actresses these days in Hollywood. There is just a handful that keep working on the regular. Maybe she's a wife and a mother just living the regular life thse days, who knows?

Where They Bee At?

2009-01-13T14:03:00.015-06:00

So I was reading a post about how wack music these days is from Tosha at http://tosharenelle.blogspot.com/. And it got me thinking about the good ole days, ya know, when music had you dancing and music was fun. Here are my Top 5 picks for my hip-hop favorite jams back in the day...

5. MC Brains "Oochie Coochie"

Don't act like you don't know the chorus,"Oochie coochie la la la, oochie coochie..."

I used to think MC Brains was sooo fine! WTF was I thinking???

4. Another Bad Creation(ABC) "Iesha"

I can hear them singing now, " I-i-i-i-e-e-e-e-sha, you know I want you soo bad..."

I used to get DOWN to this song!

3. Candyman "Knockin Boots"

Sing it with me, "Ooh boy, I love you so, neva eva eva gonna let you go..."

Excellent song from this one-hit wonder. He was fly back when light skinned dudes was in...

2. Wrecks n Effect "Rumpshaker"

All I wanna do is a zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom...Just shake your rump!

I think I know this songs lyrics by heart. I just love this song, so much energy.

1. Kris Kross "Totally Krossed Out"

Some of ya'll try to rhyme, but ya'll can't rhyme like this!

Maybe they were speaking to some of the young "rap artists" of today.

What are some of your most memorable/favorite hip hop songs from yesteryear?

Kimora Does Obama

2009-01-12T15:06:00.002-06:00

Not literally, but check out these poltical-inspried tees by Baby Phat. Only $29 each, go cop one, I know I will. : D

Obamicon

2009-01-12T14:44:00.002-06:00

I discovered this website http://obamiconme.pastemagazine.com/. It's so cool! You can upload any picture, and create an Obama-inspired poster of yourself.

Let It Go!

2009-01-10T11:44:00.004-06:00

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The Bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ..... LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you ......... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...... LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...... LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ..... LET IT GO!!!
If you have a bad attitude....... LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...... LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him...... LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....... LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...... LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed ....... LET IT GO!!!

I Want a Stripper Pole...

2009-01-06T23:49:00.004-06:00

Yeah, yeah I know I go to church and I'm a mother, sooo I'm not supposed to want a doggone pole. But I think it would be a lot of fun! It would be a sexy way to get into um, great shape. I've been walking every day at the track by my house, lifting weights and doing resistance exercise, pole dancing would be a fun way to add some variety to my workouts. I know what ya'll are thinking: yeah right! But I'm so serious, I don't have any men to entertain and IF I were to get a pole, it would be the collapsible kind that is only out when I'm using it. I can't have my son telling his little friends at school, "Guess what my mommy has at home?" And I know my mama would beat my 30 year old ass if she came to my house and saw a stripper pole in my living room. But I would like to host a pole party, have drinks, invite my girls and we could work on our "technique". I think it would be fantabolous. I'm so serious. 09 is gonna be a grown and sexy year ya'll...

lil Honey b

Love and Insomnia

2009-01-05T01:38:00.009-06:00

I'm awake, unable to sleep even though I am supposed to return to work tomorrow. By nature, I am a nocturnal person and I took full advantage of this while on my break from work. Now I have to wake up extra early to ensure that I make it to the bus on time. AND it's cold again. Yesterday I used the a/c and tonight I got on the space heater....My baby boy is at the sitter's house tonight and strangely, I want a nice warm body to lay in the bed with me....

I was having a conversation with one of my girl friends the other day, and we were discussing my sex life (mainly my lack of one) and I told her that I wish I had someone in my life to give me that "fix". She replied, "Girl, you can, just find someone you're interested in and f__k him." I replied, "But I don't want to get my feelings hurt." She said, "What you mean?" I told her that I didn't want to like someone, have sex with them, catch feelings for them only for them to dismiss me like I'm nobody. "I want to have sex with someone that I'm in love with," I told her. She kinda laughed. "LOVE???" She repeated, "Oh hell no girl, there is NO LOVE in 2009!" "But what if I really like him?" I asked her. "If he calls you, don't answer." She tells me. "Let him call you 3 or 4 times, still don't answer. You have to dismiss him and make him hungry!!!" I told her, "That's playing games. I don't want to play games, I just want to be able to talk to somebody to see if we enjoy each others' company." "There's no love in 2009." she repeated.

Damn. Mind you, my friend had a really bad breakup last year and once again, her heart was broken. It was a very painful breakup and her ex's indiscretions during their relationship were not very discreet. So I know my friends' words were coming from a place of pain. Right now, my heart is like a raw nerve, throbbing and ready give and receive love. I don't know how long it's been since I've felt this way , full of so much emotion that I'm about to burst. I know prospects are slim, but I am not going to give up on love. To love someone and to be loved back in return is human nature. After going through pain in failed relationships my heart had grown really hard and bitter. I put up a shield and thought it was okay how I had decided to live my life. I'm not sure where life's path will lead me, but my heart's on fire and I'm happy for it. My love life is always one of 2 things: crazy as hell or virtually non-existent. Lately is seems like it's been the latter of the two. There is a decision facing me, but in true lil Honey b fashion, I always seem to want to take the road that's the most difficult. I've talked to a couple of friends and they disagree with my thinking but some things aren't meant to be understood by everyone. I can't help how I feel. I know this post is a little cryptic, but I will go into more detail later. So for now, I will wait and see what happens....

lil Honey b

Blah, blah, blah...

2009-01-02T01:36:00.004-06:00

Some Thursday blurbs...

I have been stayin up till 6 in the morning for the past few nights and sleeping all day...I am gonna be so f_ck_d when it's time for me to return to work...
I have been holed up in this house since yesterday afternoon and I hate it. I seriously need to be rescued...
I believe that I am addicted to online shopping, which is so not a good habit since I want more things than I have money...
I just popped a pill to help me fall asleep faster, but what good is that? It's almost 2 a.m.
Is it wrong to desire a sugar daddy??? I mean, I work for mines and take care of me, but girl still wants whatever she likes....
I think that pill is starting to kick in...
Since I have been doing so much walking, my legs are getting tighter and my jeans are fitting looser...2009 is gonna be a sexy year!
On second thought maybe not, 'cause I am eating some of my apple pie and whipped cream right now...
These new chicks on Bad Girls Club are annoying! I think that they try WAY too hard...
Is it me, or is there a lack of 30-ish black male and female actors on the scene? Everyone is closer to 40 and over, or late teens/early 20s...
There are so many new movies I want to go see but I have no one to go with...
My mom acted shady today, I wonder why???
Okay, enough of this randomness, I'm going to bed, I'm out!!!

lil Honey b

Happy 2009!!!

2009-01-01T00:01:00.001-06:00

Happy New Year to all my blog world peeps!!! This is going to be the best year yet!!! Take care!

lil Honey b

That N!gg@ Ain't Cook For You!!!

2008-12-31T19:30:00.004-06:00

That line from the 2002 movie "Brown Sugar" cracks me up!!! Taye Diggs' character was hating on on Boris Kudjoe so bad that he was caught on the phone in the middle of the night by his on-screen wife Nicole Ari Parker. That entire scene was so comical I don't think I'll ever get tired of it...

PS Have a fun and safe New Year everybody!!!!

lil Honey b

I Hate Recycled Love

2008-12-30T21:59:00.006-06:00

I suppose all relationships are recycled unless you're in a relationship with someone who has never been in a relationship before and vice-versa. My gripe (don't I always have one) is that I live in an area where there is not a high population of black folks. I mean, there's enough of us, but not like Dallas, Atlanta or DC. Soo, with that being said, everybody knows just about everybody. Every body's all up in your business, and needless to say, there are not that many men to go around, so there is a lot of female hating going on. Anytime someone tries to holla, I have to make sure he's not someone who's been with/messed with any of my friends. I have to make sure he's not friends with any guys I've had a previous relationship with. Double dipping is something I try to avoid. I cannot tell you how many girls that I used to be cool with refuse to speak to me now because I'm friends with/acquainted with a female who messed with their baby daddy/ex-boyfriend/whatever. There is so much hate and jealousy in my area and I'm sick of it. And it's true that if someone is so childish to stop talking to me over something that I have nothing to do with, then I don't need them in my life. But the craziness of it just blows my mind. I am so glad for my group of girls that I am cool with who hold it down for me like true sisters. Another thing bothering me right now is that one of my friends is trying to hook me up with this guy (I hate to be "hooked up" but that's not what's bothering me) and he had just requested to be a friend of mine Myspace. I see that he's the same age as me and from the same place, cool. After accepting his request I start browsing his page and I see that he's friends with this girl (who I used to be pretty cool with) who's stated that she doesn't like me simply because I used to date this guy BEFORE her sister met and dated him. Then I noticed a guy on his top friends who I dated BRIEFLY (when I say brief, I mean most of my girlfriends don't even know I dated him) about 8 years ago. Now mind you, the guy has only asked to be my friend on Myspace, it's not like he's messaged me or anything like that. The only reason I know that he may be interested is because my friend commented and told me so. But the fact that I see that he's pretty good friends with this guy from my past made me automatically tell myself that if he did ever become interested in me, that I shouldn't pursue it because he'd probably find out that I had dated his friend long ago and would be no longer interested. IDK. I told one of my homegirls the situation, and she said that I was trippin. I do agree that I am probably jumping the gun, but my mind's just thinking. I don't wanna get rejected before he has a chance to reject me and the dude hasn't even stepped to me yet. As I type this, I do realize that I sound a tad ridiculous. Maybe I am just overthinking things...

Since I Been Gone...

2008-12-25T21:56:00.008-06:00

It's Christmas! (Duh) And I ain't been on here for a minute (Double Duh). It's funny how a lack of structure in my life (I been on vacation) can lead to me neglecting mine (and others') blogs. I gotta lotta catching up to do! My son is with his father, spending time with him for Christmas. Anyway, I am sitting here by myself eating a bowl of spaghetti. Sounds kinda pitiful, but really, I'm glad. For one, I get tired of holiday food quick, and second of all, I love my cooking. Christmas is over and I am glad. Not that I don't love this time of year, celebrating Jesus' birth or spending time with freinds and family, the holidays can be stressful. So now I am focused on what the new year will bring: I see good things in my future. I see a lot of loose ends of my life being tied up, I see bigger and better things in all aspects of my life.

I gotta lotta on my mind these days as well. So many thoughts, so little time to get what's going on in my life into words. Now that Christmas is over, some of that stress will subside. With the weather being warm one day and damn near freezing cold the next, my son's asthma has been acting up pretty bad. I had to take him to ER this past weekend. I had to come up off $100+ to get him the medicine that he needed. I just want my baby to be well. He's doing better, but he's not 100% okay.

I have been enjoying this time off from work. I was feeling a bit burned out for a minute. Been doing so much sometimes I don't know what direction is up. I finished painting the living room a color called Crocodile Tears . It came out really good. I moved here 14 months ago and this house is fianally starting to look and feel like a home. As I look around and see my home coming together, I can't help but smile. I am so grateful for all that I have and all that I've been able to accomplish....

lil Honey b

Complaint

2008-12-17T22:35:00.007-06:00

Where are all the (good) men at in my area?

DAMMIT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Seriously, something has GOT to give....

Smoke and Mirrors

2008-12-16T16:05:00.011-06:00

So I'm well aware of the fact that all magazines photoshop the models that appear in them to make them look younger/bustier/thinner etc. It's a fact of life. I think that airbrushed models are the norm and expected. Folks aren't going to shell out $4.95 to look at models that have obvious stretch marks and cellulite. Do I agree with it? Not necessarily. But the magazines are creating a fantasy and for a small fee, you too can be a part of the fantasy they're offering.

I happened to come across some non-photoshopped photos of video model Angel Lola Luv. While I think that the girl has a beautiful face, the fact that her ass looks surgically altered makes it seem a little grotesque. I'm no hater, I'm just saying that everything is not as it seems. With the right angle, the right lighting and a whole lotta photoshop magic can be created:

See the difference between the first 2 pics and the 3rd? And I'm not trying to pick on her because most women I know of do have some cellulite, even Serena Williams has a little, when you're thick you just can't help it! I think women who have curves should be proud of them and celebrate them, but This last photo of Angel looks a little suspect:

I have never seen a big booty girl with little bitty legs like a 7 year old! It looks a little sick to me, I wonder if fellas think this is sexy?

This pic is of top model Toccara's torso. Big butt = Thick thighs. I think Tyra's mesmerized by Toccara's um, attributes.

lil Honey b

Back to Black

2008-12-15T09:36:00.006-06:00

Black is an effortlessly classy color that's always in season. Check out these new looks from Baby Phat... Belted Strapless Jumper

Tuxedo Halter Jumper Juliet

Cinched Leggings

Akira

Button Shirred Hooded Top

Sleeveless Top w/ Pleat Detail

Kwanzaa: The Forgotten Holiday?

2008-12-14T00:18:00.001-06:00

I haven't heard too much about Kwanzaa lately. For those who don't know what Kwanzaa is, click here. It's a beautiful holiday. I remember about 10 years back, I hopped on the Kwanzaa bandwagon: I bought books so I could know how to properly celebrate it, got a Kinara (candle holder), Kwanzaa candles and even the Kikombe cha Umoja (unity cup). I involved friends and family. My mom, being raised by a Mexican mother and a Black man who lived in Mexico more than half his life, wasn't accustomed to celebrating Kwanzaa. But she was open to the idea. I admit, as the years have gone by, I have not kept up with my tradition of preparing for and celebrating this special holiday. I would like to teach my son about Kwanzaa and about the meaning of the Seven Principals.
Do any of ya'll celebrate Kwanzaa on the regular? What types of foods do you prepare/eat? Are family/friends/co-workers included in the celebration? Does Christmas overshadow the preparation for Kwanzaa? Let me know...

lil Honey b

Movin On...

2008-12-13T23:53:00.000-06:00

I do admit that at this moment, I am experiencing a lot of self-doubt and disappointment. I am again evaluating myself and asking myself: "What is wrong with me? Why can't I meet someone new?" I am trying to go about it the right way. I've been saving myself for more than I care to type about. I don't know what is better: to wait to meet the "right" person and then have sex, or to have sex because it feels "right" and hope the pieces fall into place later.

As much as I hate to admit that "I'm lonely," I am!!! I guess that admission makes me a living, breathing human being, it's so hard (at least for me) to admit that you want/need someone special in your life. It makes me feel too vulnerable to admit that to anyone. But it's the truth. I've learned so much in the past few years in my dating life, mostly what NOT to do. I used to throw caution the the wind and did as I pleased in life with a reckless abandon. Now, I feel so uptight and insecure sometimes that I feel like my heart is going to choke. I think some of it has to do with the walls that I've built up around myself to protect me from heartache. But those very same walls that I've utilized to block out pain can also block out love.

I tried my hardest with M and obviously, he just wasn't feelin me. I know nobody likes rejection but I REALLY REALLY don't like it. And I know he's not the only guy in the world, but nice guys in my life are hard to come by. But I am going to close the door on that chapter in my life and fight the pain in my heart and do my best to MOVE ON.

lil Honey b

He Don't Like Me Part III

2008-12-11T16:34:00.004-06:00

So It's Friday night and a little late, my son is in the bed and so am I. Not really full blown sleeping, but drifting a little bit. This time I'm aware when my cell phone goes off. It's a ring tone that I'm surprised to hear, and I look down at the screen and the name that pops up confirms who I thought it was: M. I answer, "Hello?"

M: Hey! How are you?

Me: I'm good, just chillin.

M: You weren't sleep were you? You sound like you were.

Me: Naw I'm woke...what's up?

M: I wanted to come by and hang out with you...if that's okay?

Me: Yeah, that's cool...

I gave M directions to my house and he arrived in about 10 minutes. I went outside to greet him with a big hug as he stepped out of his truck. He looked very nice. He followed inside my place and I sat down on my loveseat, he, on my sofa.

For the next four hours, we talked, watched TV, and laughed. We found out that we knew many of the same people and had even attended the same elementary school at some point. By the end of the night, we were cozied up together on the couch, my head on his chest, his arm tightly around my waist. One thing I did note about our time together is that not once did he try to kiss me, or fondle me above or below my waist. I felt happy about that. The fact that he was laying with me hugged up on the couch meant that he was feeling me, right? After our night, I walked him to his truck and again give him a big hug in departure.

Since that time, we've e-mailed each other and seen one another here and there, but have not hung out or done anything together since that day... That was a month and a half ago. I have gone back and forth over this guy in my head...I've never met a man that if I put my mind to it, I couldn't get to. This man does not seem to be bending in my direction. I've asked him why he seems so elusive, and his reply is that he's not. I tell myself that I'm gonna stop talking to this guy...stop trying because obviously he's not into me like that. Then the dreams (freaky ones) come and refuse to leave. I can't seem to get him out of my mind. I don't know if it's the fact that he's someone I can't have or what, but it's driving me nuts. I'm at my whit's end right about now though...I just have to throw in the towel and face the fact: He don't like me....

Wednesday Blurbs (Updated)

2008-12-11T11:02:00.006-06:00

I had major insomnia last night, it was terrible! I need to stop that ish for real. As I laid in bed wide awake, a few random thoughts regarding television crossed my mind...

So I been watching a lot of TV commercials lately. I really like the Guitar Hero ad that features Heidi Klum...she rocks! The one that features Kobe Bryant, Tony Hawk etc. is a fail. They would have been better off putting A-Rod in the forefront and putting Kobe's okee-doke butt in the back somewhere. But that's just my opinion.

I am really intrigued by the Ikea ad campaign that features the gray-haired black woman with the deep voice. I especially like the one where she tells the lady that she needs to go out to a club and meet a nice man...or woman. "I don't judge."

I know. I should be sleeping instead of pondering this crap late at night...
***Update***

Another commercial that caught my attention was the Xbox movie game with Burt Reynolds. In the ad, he boasts the he's obviously Burt Reynolds and since you're not, you too can film yourself and pretend to be in the movies with this video game. Maybe it's just my perverted mind, but I couldn't help but think about his role in 'Boogie Nights" where he plays a porn film director. I also couldn't help but think that ppl would buy this game in order to film themselves in compromising situations. I have such a dirty mind, I know this!

lil Honey b

Love, Lust, Affection or All of the Above? (LOTB Part II)

2008-12-10T00:02:00.001-06:00

My mission if I choose to accept it: to find myself a damn cuddle buddy, dammit! Okay, maybe a kissing buddy also, but NOT a sex buddy cause I'm not ready to give myself to anyone in that way again--yet.

I am so serious about this. I am a grown woman. Imma do me!

Okay, I was re-reading what I wrote so far, and "cuddle buddy" sounds sooo middle school! But for lack of a better description, that's what Imma have to call it. Cause what I want right now is to kiss and cuddle.

Is that bad to want that?

I need male affection.

Seriously, ppl place ads for this type of stuff....

Now I have to go and work on accomplishing my mission...

lil Honey b

He Don't Like Me Part II

2008-12-09T13:33:00.014-06:00

So it's Friday night, my son has gone to spend the night with the sitter, and I end up falling asleep watching Tru TV. N-i-i-i-ce! I'm not in a deep sleep, I can still kinda hear the television noise but I'm not really aware of what they are saying. Suddenly, a noise interrupts my semi-sleeping state. It sounds like someone has turned on the radio...did someone just turn on the radio? The noise stops just as suddenly as it started. Somewhere in my subconscious, I realize that someone has just called my phone. I feel around beside me to find out who has called. It was the default ringtone that went off, not the personalized ones I've designated for people who call me often. I found my cell and checked the time: 2:04 a.m. Who would be calling me at this hour? I checked the number: it was a local cell phone number that I didn't recognize. Hmmm. I called it back and after 3 rings, a male voice that I didn't recognize answered, "Hello?"

Me: "Who's this?"

Him: "It's M."

Me: "Huh?"

***Sidenote***After Summer break had went by with no phone call, I had deleted M's phone number from my phone, figuring he had never called, so why did I need it? My grogginess and lack of having M's number programmed into my cell initially made it difficult for me to know that it was him.

Him: "You were sleep?"

Me: "No. Well, yeah. But not anymore."

Him: "I'm so sorry mama. I thought you were up. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Me: (yawns) "Okay. Buh-bye."

The next day, I woke up thinking, "What was that all about?" I was surprised dude still had my phone number. After all this time, why had he called? Hmmm.

Monday I get an e-mail from him explaining the phone call. He says he was out at this lil club that he knows that I go to sometimes and he got there late. He was thinking that if I was there, then maybe we could see each other. I replied back and told him that he was straight up trying to make a booty call. He seemed a little amused and taken aback all at the same time. He said it wasn't like that, and he's sorry that he called me so late. We began e-mailing each other again several times a week. I told him that I'd love to hang out with him sometime, get to know him up close and personal. About a month after us e-mailing each other, lo and behold, another Friday night comes by and guess who calls me up to see what I'm doing? If you said M, you guessed right...

'Tis The Season To Be Broke

2008-12-09T10:14:00.005-06:00

I don't know about you, but money sure is tight this holiday season. We are in an economic recession, but you'd never know it the way the holiday advertisements urge us to spend, spend spend. I do notice that there are great deals on many electronics, clothing and even vehicles this season which could be a blessing and a curse at the same time. Great that we can now get so many things for so much less than we would have paid a few months ago. Bad that lower priced items may create a false sense of security that we can spend as much as we want, causing us to overspend. It's easy to get caught up in the spirit of buying, but this year, I'm not gonna go all out with the gift shopping. I've selected a few key items that I'm going to get this year and that's it. I've got the love and support of
my family and friends, and that's all that really matters to me this Christmas. All the events that have happened in my life this year have really put things into perspective. I have a comfortable home to live in, food to eat, and a way to get my son to school and me to work every morning. I am happy for all of this. I'm happy to have a job that let's me have 2 weeks off during Christmastime so that I may rest and enjoy this holiday season with my loved ones. I so am thankful right now. That everyone remians safe this year is more important to me than all of the money and gifts in the world--or lack thereof. ; )

lil Honey b

He Don't Like Me Part I

2008-12-08T09:30:00.012-06:00

So I haven't been exactly lucky in love. And I admit, I have at times allowed my circumstances to manifest itself into self-doubt and negative energy in my life. I'm working on that. In fact, my neighbor (who happens to be a very nice friend as well) loaned me a book titled "The Key". It's handwritten and offers different perspectives on life that most people don't think about (but more on that later). Today's post goes back to about a year ago when I began to notice that there was a guy in my work building who had begun taking notice of me. And when I became aware that he noticing me, to tell the truth, I really wasn't all that fazed by him. As far as looks go he was nice looking. I found out from our casual run-ins that he and I were the same age, he was single and had a young son. Interesting. I began to bump into him more and more and it seem like we had a little, dare I say? Chemistry. As time went on, our conversations got more and more flirtatious. I began to wonder to myself, "What is he all about?" I started thinking that maybe he and I could spend some time together, go to a movie or dinner get to know one another a little bit better. We started e-mailing each other and I thought for sure we're going to go out soon. Right before our Summer break we exchanged numbers and I just knew that he was going to call. Summer break came and went. Not a damn thing happened no phone call, no nada. I was a little disappointed, but it wasn't a huge disappointment, we were just flirtatious acquaintances after all, nothing more. So in true Lil Honey B fashion, I just gave up on the matter 'cause if he was interested, he would have called, right?

***Side note*** I hardly ever pursue a guy aggressively (i.e. make repeated phone calls, excessive text messages, etc.) Maybe I'm old-fashioned in my thinking, but I feel like if a man is into me, he'll definitely be the aggressor and let me know. I have come across some men that prefer to be pursued, and I never work out well with these types because I feel like I come off as too pressed to get at them, IDW. Anyway, I digress...

So after the break, our e-mails ceased and I hardly had the opportunity to run into him anymore like I used to. If I happened to see him, I'd say hello of course, but I didn't take to time to stop and chat. Even though we had never been out on a date, kissed or been intimate with one another, I found myself unable to get this man out of my head completely. What was it about him? There was nothing extraordinary about him. Was it his quiet mystique that left me wanting more? I haven't had too much experience with men who were shy...most men I've encountered have had no problem telling me what they wanted. But he was different. But I was also left confused. I wasn't sure if he was really feeling me, or if he just thought of me as a friend. Maybe he liked me, but he was unavailable...I just felt like I was on a big, fat road to nowhere with him. So I did what I usually do, I tried to go on about my business and forget about him. THEN, about 3 months later, he popped up in one of my dreams... not just any old dream, but a dream that was something like my reoccurring dreams about Brandon. I was more than blushing after I woke up from this dream, but what really had me blushing was when the day after my dream he decided to call me out of the blue. I had virtually no conversation with this man for 3 months, then I have a freaky dream and a coincidental phone call? I felt like he knew about the dream, but there was no way he could have known. He had me wondering what made him break his silence after all this time???

Quick Note

2008-12-05T08:29:00.005-06:00

Just a quick note to say I haven't been blogging as much as I'd like, I've been so busy lately that my heart is bursting with all kinds of stuff to blog about....When I do have a minute to myself to attempt to gather my thoughts and put them into words, I end up having a severe case of blogger's block, lol. At night when I'm trying to get to sleep, my mind races with a million different thoughts that make it difficut for me to fall asleep. What's a girl to do? Hopefully, I'll be back to blogging on the regular cause I feel like expressing myself is like lil Honey b's chicken soup for the soul....

I've Been Tagged Times 2!

2008-12-03T13:28:00.011-06:00

So I've been tagged by Tosha

The rules are as follows:

Link to the person that tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself.

Tag 7 random people at the end your post, and include links to their blogs.

Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So I'm bending the rules a bit but I am going to name 7 random and/or weird facts about myself......

7 random and/or weird facts about me:

I will eat baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, french fries and hash browns. But I will not touch potato salad.

I almost always wear heels.

My ears have been pierced since I was four years old. My mother pierced them.

I love getting pedicures but rarely get a manicure.

I'm very shy.

I haven't been in a committed relationship in over 7 years.

I have horrible sleeping habits and I hate getting up in the morning.

I have also been tagged by Scorned Woman. Her blog is http://scournedwoman.blogspot.com/. I am very honored to have been chosen to receive this honor. I am also bending the rules on this tag as I will have to nominate 5 other worthy bloggers once I have more time to dedicate to this post. But I wanted to acknowledge the tag and the award, because I was very happy to get it. ; )

lil Honey b

30 Don't Have to Be the New 20...

2008-12-01T11:23:00.006-06:00

I had to take some flicks to document my day yesterday. Overall I'm just actin silly, but I thought I'd share...

So this is what 30 looks like...Shut your mouth! Not me... ...Perhaps you mean her ovah there...
(having a birthday girl fit)Okay, I'm lovin it!!!
30's a good look for me

I'm 30 Today!

2008-11-30T00:00:00.003-06:00

Today's my B-day. The big 3-0. Thought I was gonna be sad. But I'm embracing it! I had a very tumultuous 20's, hoping my 30's will be a lot calmer. I'm looking forward to great things in my future, and I'm glad!

Encore: Sanaa

2008-11-22T13:00:00.002-06:00

Again, I spotted a couple of pics of Sanna Lathan looking oh so fabulous.Lookin mean in that green but still a hot color choiceBack to black in an adorable one-piece pant suit

It's official. I want to be Sanna when I grow up. Gotta love her.

lil Honey b

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What That Means?

2008-11-21T09:29:00.008-06:00

Everyone knows the hook to that song. I have prided myself on being an independent woman. I don't want to have to depend on anybody for anything. If I do good, I'll do good all by myself, and if I do bad, I'll do bad all by myself. The worst feeling in the world to me is to be dependent upon somebody and they are not able to come through for you. Or the be dependent on someone and they treat you badly because they know you have no choice but to take it because you're the one who's dependent. I love being able to take care of me and my son and to do my own thing. But because circumstances in my life have recently left me without a car, and getting me and my son to and from school has been a challenge. My mother has been able to help me for the most part, but on days that she can't be there for me, I have to open up my mouth and say three words that are truly the hardest words for me to say,"I need help." I have become so accustomed to depending on me and only me that needing and asking for assistance is a rare event in my life. Not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. I always have had a very hard time asking for help when I need it. Now, I have no choice but to ask. Like I've said before, everything happens for a reason. Anytime I'm faced with a bad experience, I have made it my business to try to see the upside of it. I have also tried to learn what the experience is trying to teach me and I do my best to heed the lessons learned. I'm at a point in my life right now where I could easily get discouraged, easily get angry, easily give up. But I going to choose to persevere, I'm going to choose to remain positive, I'm going to go forth knowing that in the end, I will be stronger, more knowledgeable, and in a better place emotionally when I am done with this journey. The key to my peace of mind is in my sight and with a little prayer and hard work, I know I can obtain it. I'm not trying to get all religious-fied on ya'll, I'm just speaking what's on my heart this morning. I am excited to see what else this turn of events in my life has in store for me. No matter what, Umma keep my head up . ; )

lil Honey b

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Finale...On and Poppin!

2008-11-19T10:06:00.007-06:00

I watched the finale of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and man oh man, it did not disappoint! The show started out with Kim getting a call from her producer friend Dallas Austin, who told her she has to go to boot camp for singers and quit drinking and smoking before she even thinks about getting into the business (Kim was smoking on a cigarette and drinking a glass of wine when she got that phone call).

Lisa, wating to play peacemaker, invited the whole group and their families to a dinner (DeShawn previously tried to do the same thing, but was stood up by Sheree and Kim). Everyone attended and was given the opportunity to speak their piece. NeNe let Kim have it!! I think if there was a way for Kim to blink her eyes and make herself disappear she would have done it! Kim, you were cringing and I was cringing for you. But the real drama looks like it will be in the reunion. Even sweet little Lisa was shown in the previews calling Kim a liar and that she'll flip her over the couch!

Gottalove entertainment TV.

lil Honey b

It's All About ME

2008-11-18T10:51:00.008-06:00

Well, that's hardly the case. But I notice that I tend to focus on what's wrong with me rather than what's great about me. Things occur in life that have the potential to bring you down and cause you to view yourself negatively. But I realize that I've got to remain strong in my beliefs and goals, and not cause anything to knock me down, and most importantly, not to let anything keep me down.

Of course, getting and maintaining a healthy level of self-esteem is not something you can get from reading a book or from taking a magic pill. I know that I am less confident than I present myself to the world. I remember once I confided to a girlfriend about the lack of confidence that I had been feeling in myself lately and she replied,"The way you strut your self around, I'd never think that you'd feel insecure. You have no reason to." I know that sometimes, I exhibit what seems to be confidence, but that feeling doesn't seem to last. I need to work on this, I need to be better.
That's why today, I'm going to name 10 great things about my physical appearance that I love...

I absolutely LOVE my smile.
I love that no matter my weight, I have always been perfectly proportioned.
I have really nice legs.
My eyes sparkle when I smile.
I have pretty feet.
I'm almost 30 but could pass for 25.
I have beautiful natural cleavage that some women would pay tens of thousands of dollars for.
I love the quirky curl pattern of my natural hair. It's a look that cannot be duplicated.
I love the way my backside curves up.
I don't look scary without makeup.

Ok, well there's some high self-esteem for your azz! I recommend anyone to try this exercise, even if you already feel confident all the time. I didn't know what 10 things I was going to write about myself, it took me a little while to come up with all ten, but now that I did, WOW. I feel really good about myself!!!

lil Honey b

Err Thang Happens For a Reason...

2008-11-17T10:54:00.004-06:00

So last week I was in a real bad car accident* while on my way to work...I'm okay. Instead of focusing on the negative side of things (coulda, woulda, shoulda) I am grateful for the following:

No one involved was seriously injured.
My seat belt and air bag (even though they left me with cuts and bruises) saved my life
My son was not in the car with me
I had no warrant for my arrest (for real though)!!!
I know that I can always get another car, but I can't get another life or limb

I know that any time a door is shut in my face, another one will be opened to bigger and better opportunities. I am understandably shaken but I have been blessed to walk away from such a terrible accident.

*The car is the photo is not my car, but unfortunately, my car ended up a lot like it.

To Perm or Not To Perm?

2008-11-12T14:00:00.010-06:00

This December, it will be four years since I've put a relaxer in my hair. I remember when I decided to reveal my plans to some of my friends, I got some negative responses: "You mean you're just going to walk around with a bush on your head?" was what one girlfriend told me. Even my mother, who has been perm free for many years expressed her doubt: "You know I'm not gonna be able to hot-comb your hair every week, right?" I wasn't asking her to hot comb it! My mother is from the old school though. Sure she rocked her Afro in the early 70s and was Black and proud, but ever since I was born, she's never worn her relaxer-free hair just "natural". She's all about the pressing comb and the sponge rollers. She's been doing her hair for years, has it down to a science. Her hair looks quite nice and she receives many compliments on it. Maybe she made that comment because she remembers the days when she spent hours straightening out my hair when I was a little girl, it was no easy task.

Me circa 1985

I had a lot of hair back then, I still do. But up until almost four years back, I'd been rockin a perm since I was 13. Where I come from, the weather is almost always horribly humid and hot which can wreak absolute havoc on a black girl's hair. The vast majority of black women in my city use relaxers, sew-ins, glue-ins and braids. Not knocking relaxers or the fake hair at all because a sister like me LOVES her sew-ins to give her hair a break. Having my hair in its natural state has its advantages: its super shiny and healthy, it's less likely to break, and I can wear it curly or straight. But the truth of the matter is, managing my hair can be a whole lot of work. I don't know if it's from me wearing a relaxer for so long or what, but I I like a very sleek straight look when I'm wearing my hair straight. Now that I'm natural, my super duper flatironed 'do doesn't last more than a day or 2 in this horrible weather. I refuse to do the big, puffy, frizzy hair thing. When my hair starts to do that, I just wash it out and and wear it curly. I got mixture of textures going on in my head too. The front right quadrant is a very loose curl, more like a wave, so much so, that people have sworn that I've got it fingerwaved. The front left quadrant is still wavy, but more coarse. Doesn't lay as flat as the right side. The middle of my head seems delinquent. It's made up of tiny, corkscrew curls that don't stay straight. The back is kind of a mixture of the aforementioned and is made up of big and small curls. Once my hair got past the "shock" of no longer being relaxed, I've experimented with different products to style its naturalness, some with success, some not so successful. I've gotten compliments on my hair, and noticed that some folks who knew me in my permed era and never saw the true texture of my tresses have questioned me: "How did your hair get like that?" or "Who in your family did you get your hair from?" I'm used to the questions. But I have to admit that sometimes, I'm not in love with my hair 24/7. Sometimes I wish it would just lay flat when straightened instead of frizzing up. Sometimes I wish my full head of waves, curls and kinks flowed down my back instead sticking straight up when I wake up in the morning. I can't tell you how many times I've passed up the relaxer box in the store and said to myself, "No, then I'll have to start all over." But lately I've really been considering getting a relaxer again. Maintaining my hair is time-consuming and a lot of work! I'm versatile...I will wear my hair natural for a few months then I'll switch it up and get a sew-in weave, or sometimes some micros giving my hair a break from the heat and styling. But for some reason, a little voice inside me keeps saying " I don't want to no more." I don't know. If I break down and relax my hair after 4 years I may regret it...and then there is nothing that I can do to change it. I just don't know...

Kim Can't Sing...Or Spell Either

2008-11-11T09:33:00.018-06:00

So I been checkin out The Real Housewives of Atlanta and lemme tell you, it's entertainment TV! I hadn't been able to watch, so I've been recording the episodes. Imagine my surprise when I get to the latest episode when NeNe gets tipsy and sings a song in the limo about Kim...priceless!

Back story: NeNe (in the orange) and Kim (in the pink) were tighter than tight. Sheree (sitting down in yellow) and NeNe have had problems with their friendship in the past. Kim said that she'd always have NeNe's back no matter what. All of a sudden, Kim has taken a liking to Sheree, much to NeNe's chagrin. Long story short, NeNe feels like Kim's loyalty has shifted to her "frenemy" Sheree. Kim also has aspirations to be a country singer, which NeNe found surprising, because she said that she's never even heard Kim hum a tune.

In the lastest episode, DeShawn Snow (in the purple) invited Lisa (in the short dress), her husband Ed, and NeNe and her husband Greg to join her and husband Eric Snow for her birthday celebration. It wasn't long before NeNe expressed her dislike for Sheree. She drank several glasses of wine before it was time to leave in the limo. Once inside, Lisa asks NeNe if she could sing. NeNe then obliges by crooning a freestyle song about Kim. In an off-key tune she crows, "I know I say I'm 29, but I know I'm really 89!!!"

She goes on to say that no one has ever heard of her, and that Grammy award producer Dallas Austin is only working with Kim as a favor to her man. By the way, can anyone tell me, who is Kim's man? It's a big secret. But I digress. DeShawn and her husband were laughing their butts off at NeNe's song, and even Lisa chuckled a bit (though she later expressed her disapproval). NeNe's song was damn funny! She kept on and on until finally, her embarrassed husband told her to stop singing. LMFAO!!!!
Fast forward to Kim's meeting with the singing coach. Poor Kim couldn't sing a note to save her life. Maybe she's tone deaf. Kim looked pretty devastated after the coach compared her to a beautifully constructed house with a crack in the foundation. Ouch! Afterward, Kim brought Sheree along to a lunch to meet Dallas and discuss what the vocal trainer had told her. After admitting that she had no knowledge of music, Kim said the coach told her it can be learned like learning how to spell and do math. Kim tells Dallas what the coach said: Q. "What's 2 plus 2? A. Four. Q. How do you spell cat? A. K-a-t" Wait. Hold up just a damn minute. Did Kim just say cat was spelled kat? She did. I rewinded that bad boy and put on the caption feature and there it was in black and white: K-A-T. I know it was probably just a little mistake, but damn Kim. You can't sing, and you can't spell. SMH.

I can't wait to check out the new episode. It comes on tonight on Bravo at 9/8 Central.

lil Honey b

Fashion Alert...Purples, Plaids & Prints, Oh My!

2008-11-10T10:57:00.011-06:00

Everywhere I go, I'm starting to notice that there's a lot more purple in the stores lately. Purple's a color that I am trying to get more of in my wardrobe, I shy away from it for some reason. But this fall, purple seems to be da business! Check out some of these finds...

Baby Phat, New York & Company, Forever 21

Plaid is back in a big way. It never really went away, but now it's everywhere! So, now you can get your lumberjack on and still be sexy...

Baby Phat, Fleurish, Rampage

Animal prints are here to stay and aren't going anywhere anytime soon. I read in a magazine one time where Melyssa Ford was quoted as saying that folks should stop wearing the animal prints because they were out of style. So not true! I love all the variations of animal prints: the different colors, fabrics and styles. Check em out! Dereon, Forever 21, New York & Company, Forever 21

Other honorbale mentions include zigzag patterns, sheers and vests!

Reoccurring Dream

2008-11-10T09:36:00.012-06:00

So this weekend, my dreaded reoccurring dream came back to haunt me. I haven't had this dream in quite a while. The dreams vary in settings, but the characters and plot always remain the same. It's always about me and a guy who I will call "Brandon". In the dreams, I love Brandon very much and my love is reciprocated. He is sweet, caring and we're always having passionate sex (in the dreams). In reality, I don't like Brandon very much. But once upon a time I used to love him. I've known him for close to 10 years. We talk from time to time, but we don't agree on much these days. Our relationship has been over for a long time, he's moved on and so have I. But, we do have an uncanny attraction for one another. Let's just say because of circumstances we don't act on that attraction. I've never known a person that can make me so angry and that I can have so much disdain for, but at the same time I'd be willing to hop into the sheets with. When I reflect on this fact, I can't make any sense of it. I keep my distance from Brandon as much as I can.

But I digress. I was plagued this weekend with not one, but two dreams about sex with Brandon. Wild, frequent, passionate sex with lots of panting, sweating and yelling. (Ugh!) The things that disturb me about these dreams is a.) how real they seem, and b.) how they make me feel emotionally afterward. I feel touched as if, I still do have love in my heart for Brandon. When I told one of my friends about my dreams and subsequent feelings she asked me ,"Well do you still love him???" And I answered, " I don't think so."

I don't think I still love Brandon. He's done some incorrigibly wrong things to me and I know had I stayed with him, I would have not been happy. He just happens to be the star in my sexual/emotional trysts of my dream world. Lucky him.

I don't know what it means when I have these dreams. I don't know if there is something that my subconscious is trying to tell me, or if there are remnants of love in my heart for this person, or what....

Friggin Friday Ramblings/Love On the Brain Part I and a Half

2008-11-07T11:01:00.017-06:00

So it's Friday and I am sooo distracted. Work is cool, everything is actually going smoothly and my bossman seems to be happy so that's a plus. I am here today at work but my heart ain't in it. I would rather be somewhere else. My cozy bed seems like my first choice...but spending my whole day in bed seems soo lazy. I dunno. I began working on another post and had to stop because I couldn't get and keep my thoughts together, so here I am writing about random nothingness. I want to go shopping. That's the first thing I wanna do when I feel that I want to be "distracted." When I'm looking for a distraction, it's because there are other things going on that I don't want to have to think about. But who I am fooling? Going shopping with what money? I paid all my bills with this last paycheck and I sure don't have no extra for shopping. I got my son's birthday coming up, then it's Christmas...etc., etc. My part-time seasonal job sent me a postcard in the mail asking me to come back, and I'm dragging my feet on that.

I'm trying to hold it all together, but the more I contemplate and the less distracted I become, my mood changes and I start to feel upset a lil bit. Small things start to seem like big things in my mind.
Truth be told, money's not a real issue. I'm good financially. Of course, I could be a lot better, but my son and I don't want or need for nothin cause I know how to stretch the money that I earn. I'm starved for affection, which seems to be my number 1 affliction these days. I have a wonderful relationship with my son, my mother is great to me, I have wonderful friends, but like a puzzle, I'm missing that one piece: male companionship. Today I'm really bothered this. Other days, not so much, but today I am. Somethings got to give. I remember times when I had "companionship" because I wanted it so badly but I lowered my standards of what an acceptable companion should be. Lowering my standards and ignoring red flags always left me with the short end of the stick. But I've got needs, not just sexual needs, but as a woman, I long to be hugged, kissed, stroked, and held by a man. I've been waiting and waiting, and sometimes I feel like I've just been waiting for nothing. My logical mind tells me that being too sexually overt and being too quick to offer sex in a relationship is a quick way for a man to lose respect. I know this like I know my name. But then, I know of some couples where the woman gave it up the first night and the man still loved and cherished her. I don't know...At this point in my life, I would prefer for the person that I'm having relations with be the person that I'm in a committed relationship with. Why is it so easy to take off your clothes and let someone feel the most intimate parts of your body, but so difficult to find someone with honorable intentions who will love and respect you? I just don't get it. I'm so frustrated right now. What do ya'll think?

Why is it so easy to have sex, but not so easy to have a relationship???

Sweet Victory...Yes We Can!!!

2008-11-05T09:24:00.015-06:00

Barack Obama was elected to be the next president of the United States and I couldn't be happier!!! I am speechless! I was so scared that something bad was going to get in the way like the Florida situation with Al Gore. When I saw the news on CNN I was so excited! Obama ended up with 349 electoral votes, and McCain, a mere 173. At this point, I have only 2 words to say to McCain, Palin, Bush and anyone like them:That's right! Game Over!!! Eight years has been more than enough! I am so excited for the change that is about to come. Obama really cares about the people in this country and the plight that we're in. C'mon let's face it, McCain didn't give a damn about the "little people" or the working class. I hate that so many states in the south are red states too. I'm from Texas and I've NEVER endorsed Republicans. I saw Louisiana was red too. Let them have another devastating hurricane (God forbid), you think John McCain would give a damn about them? Hell to tha naw.
But, that's a non-issue now because Barack Obama has made history, and I am so happy that he was elected not only because he is Black, but because I believe that he is the best candidate to lead our country.

McCain's concession speech was very gracious, but did he have a choice? He was defeated miserably. America has spoken, we want change, we want fairness, we want a new regime. Sorry John, nice try. Maybe next time. Yeah, right. ; )

Love On The Brain Part I

2008-11-04T09:53:00.012-06:00

It all used to be so simple....Boy liked you, you a.) immediately told him that you weren't interested, or b.) after reassurance from your girlfriends that yes homeboy was cute and you'd better talk to him before somebody else does you gave him your phone number. Then after the latter, boy met the girls' parents, boy took girl on fun dates, etc., etc. At least that's how I remember it. Dating for me used to come so naturally. From the ages of 14 through 22, I never stayed single, I always had a boyfriend. Then, when my son was born and my romantic relationship with his father was virtually over...it seems like I haven't been able to get it right since. Life for me is far more complex than it was when I was a teenager and a young adult. I work full-time, I'm a mother full-time, I've got bills to pay and a house to manage, so life is definitely not happy-go-lucky like it used to be before all my responsibilities. Don't get me wrong, I am very proud to be a single mother and to be able to hold it down at my house by myself and do it well. But with me trying to add romance into that equation, I seem to get it wrong every time.

Of course I've dated since my son's been born. I've dated just about every type of man there is out there in my quest to find love: the Hustler, the User, the Liar, the "Unhappily" Married Man, the Psycho, the Insecure in my manhood Man, the I'm-so-laid-back-you-can't-tell-if-I'm-interested Man, the Yes-I-have-kids-with-her-but-no-we're-not-together (yeah right!!) Man, and the list goes on. Some guys I've dated were not bad guys at all, we just weren't a good match for each other.

And so my quest continues. I'll admit, at this point in my life, it would be really nice to have that someone special in my life: someone I could count on, someone who is honest, someone who adores and respects me, someone who is not after me because of my physical attributes or is into games. I'll also admit that I haven't done much to find that person either. I wouldn't know where to start. I'm not really too keen on those eHarmony, match.com type of websites, and if I do go to the club, that is the LAST place you'll find me looking for love. Most of the men at my church are really old or married (or both). : ) So I guess I'm just sitting here waiting for the perfect man to drop out the sky?? Not really. The truth is, I've been hurt so deeply in my past relationships that I'm a little bit afraid to go there with someone again. But I want affection so bad. Nothing too serious, just friendship and some affection (and by affection I don't mean sex). I am beginning to think that something is wrong with me. I used to pull men left and right. Now it seems like I can't get a man to talk to me to save my life. I think that I'm still attractive (both my guy friends and girlfriends have said so), I'm smart, I'm independent, I can cook, am funny as hell...Okay, okay. I know I sound like I'm interviewing to be someone's girlfriend. But seriously, as I continue this journey toward the complete healing of my heart, all these things constantly stay on my mind....

So You Think They're Your Friends...

2008-11-03T09:14:00.009-06:00

So this weekend, one of my good friends lets me know that a "friend" (who is also a co-worker) took a comment that I made to her and totally flipped it to make it seem like I didn't want to be a team player which turned into the women in my office having a bitch-fest about me while I was on my lunch hour. When I got this news, I was like "WOW." For this person who is supposed to my friend, to call the other women and tell them what I had said made me feel extremely unhappy. Especially on a day that I wasn't feeling very good (see post "Just One of Dem Days"), for her to go behind my back in the name of gossip was just beyond me. I felt like she didn't give a damn about me. But as I started thinking about it, I had to consider the source. For identities' sake, I will call this person "Peggy". Peggy has some redeeming qualities. She's a hard worker, she's good to her family and offers a listening ear when you have troubles. BUT she is also a very jealous-hearted, gossip-driven, two-faced individual. She is a very lonely soul. This is not the first time she has shown me her ugly ways. She has exhibited senseless jealousy on more than one occasion, and I have caught her talking about me and she has opened her mouth and told my business as well. As angry as I get initially, I always get to a point where I am able to forgive what has happened and move on. But today, I am seriously evaluating my "friendship" with Peggy. I know that I will eventually get to the point where I'm over it and start speaking to Peggy again. But I will NEVER be able to feel at ease, let my guard down, and have complete trust. So pretty much, Peggy will have to be an acquaintance, not a true friend. With a real friend, you shouldn't have to filter what you say for fear that you will get stabbed in the back. You should be able to express yourself without fear of backlash. I was naive to think that Peggy wouldn't to this to me. But I've been burned too many times...

Cross the Border

2008-10-31T15:03:00.011-05:00

Remember the hip-hop duo, Philly's Most Wanted? I LOVED their single Cross the Border that came out in 2001. The infectious beat (Neptunes) and the high-pitched hook (Kelis) kind of made it sound like a kids' song, but all you had to do was take a listen to the lyrics to know that this hit wasn't about child's play. In a style reminiscent of a younger Jay-Z, Boobonic (left) and Mr. (right) rapped about having a young lady move drugs for them from across the border. These cats had more than enough swagger as they infused sick metaphors into their raps like : "I got hos with accents, and I don't mean Hyundais..." and " Dog, I tax ya'll cause it cost to live, and still show no love like foster kids."
The video was pretty good too, it switched from an airport scene, where the pair was being watched by stern-looking men in coats to a party scene with drinks and girls dancing. In the end of the video, all is well, and the guys end up eluding the authorities.

I heard that Philly's Most Wanted released a second album called Ring the Alarm. I need to check that out. I really liked this group back in the day.

Just One of Dem Days

2008-10-30T14:25:00.002-05:00

I'm extra grouchy today...I'm just in a bad mood and don't know why. I'd rather be at home asleep. It's seriously time for a vacation. Don't want to be at work, don't want to answer to phone, don't feel like fixing anybody's problems. Right now, everyone sounds like the teacher off of Charlie Brown (waw waa waa waa), and I'm not trying to hear them. Nobody's done nothing wrong to me, and no it's not that time of the month, I just need some much needed R&R. What I wouldn't do for a mani/pedi, a deep tissue massage, some champagne and a long uninterrupted nap. Sleep is soo underrated. I need to start going to bed at a more reasonable time. Okay, enough of me whining about how cranky I am, I'm gonna focus on making it through the day...

Five Years of Hot Garbage

2008-10-29T09:53:00.013-05:00

Have you ever been involved with somebody, broke it off, then looked back and said to yourself, "I wasted all my time with this person."? That is precisely how I feel about someone who I shall refer to as "X". I met X more than six years ago. Back then, I was experiencing so much uncertainty in my life. I was getting mixed signals from my son's father and knew that we could never be in a relationship that would work out. I badly wanted a distraction. I told myself that I just wanted a friend to kick it with, someone to take my mind away from all the bs that I'd been dealing with. I was also a woman scorned. I was at the point where I was so scared of being in a relationship because I didn't want to get hurt. I felt like I couldn't take falling in love only to be betrayed in return. My self-esteem sank and my standards for what was an acceptable relationship lowered. I had totally duped myself into thinking that I didn't need to be loved. My heart was severely damaged at this time.

When I first met X, it wasn't until several months later that I started to see him as someone that I could be more than friends with. Though he had an on-again, off-again relationship with the mother of his kids, he had made it known on more than one occasion that he was interested in me. One fateful night before New Year's Eve, I let it be known that I was possibly interested in him too. I think I may have been hooked the very first night he came to see me, although we didn't consummate our relationship until later on. When he kissed me, it was akin to someone smoking crack for the first time, because he had me feeling so high. He had me wide open and I didn't even know it yet. So scary. I told myself that it really wasn't all that deep, that I could quit seeing him anytime. Easier said than done. A night time of pleasure propelled into a tumultuous five years of a really f#*ked up relationship, if you could even call it that. He refused to leave me alone, and I was unable to remain strong enough to keep him away from me. It really did a number on my already low self esteem. It was crazy. But like a junkie, I ignored all the bad things that were going on and was in pursuit of the high that I got when I was with him. It was a sick, vicious cycle. Almost one year later of being free of that toxicity, I look back and feel so happy for the person that I am now. The road to this realization wasn't easy: there were catfights, name-calling, lies, numerous attempts to get away, other failed relationships in between and lots and lots of heartbreak...Looking back, I am so much better than I was at that point. I now realize how my involvement in such a relationship had crippled me emotionally. I now realize that I am worthy of real love and happines. I now think before I do something rather than jump in first, think consequences later. And I'm still healing, growing and changing. My heart is emotionally healthy now for the first time in a long time and I am happy for it.

Baby Phat Couture

2008-10-28T13:49:00.006-05:00

Need something bossy, flashy and fly for a night out on the town? Check out this look, comprised mostly of Baby Phat gear. Beyond your basic black, this look has a punch of electric color that's sure to get you noticed. The tunic can be paired with leggings or worn alone. You can accessorize with the cute club bag or the colorful crossbody. You can put your best foot forward in the patent leather wedges or jeweled pumps.
Clockwise from bottom: Gianna Wedge, BP Cliché Club Bag, Graffiti Cat Batwing Tunic, Pink Colored Logo Hoop Earring, Suprema Cat Crossbody, Ashlyn Pump. Pink Leggings are not Baby Phat, but would look great with the outfit.